It’s the new math.

Comeback kid Josh Hamilton of the Texas Rangers crushed 28 homers in the first round of last night’s Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium—20 more than any other player in that frame—but lost the doggone thing because the Minnesota Twins’ Justin Morneau hit more in the third and final round.

Never mind that Hamilton, who relaunched his career with the Hudson Valley Renegades, outslugged Morneau overall, 38-22. Or that Hamilton’s total could have been even bigger had he not essentially skipped the second round so that he could save it for the third. Totals from the first two rounds don’t carry over. Pffft. What a joke.

No matter. Did you see some of these shots? The Journal News’ Brian Heyman does a great job describing three of his most magnificent:

502 feet off the Bank of America sign behind the right-center bleachers and below the frieze; 504 feet to the back of the bleachers near the video board; and 518 feet to the black seats in center….

A couple of LoHud-related notes about the broadcasting of Hamilton’s blasts:

Using the Yankee Stadium public address system to call the live action for the stadium crowd was Hartsdale resident Michael Kay, the main play-by-play broadcaster for the Yankees’ TV broadcasts.

And calling the Home Run Derby action for ESPN was Chris Berman, an alumnus of The Hackley School in Tarrytown. At the 3:53 mark of this must-watch MLB.com highlight reel, here’s how Berman described one of Hamilton’s moonshots: “This one is in Pelham!”

(Photo by Frank Becerra Jr./The Journal News)

The Associated Press reported that the first photos of Angelina Jolie’s newborn twins could be worth between $10-20 million!

The photographs may not have been leaked yet, but I got my hands on the first sketches of what the newborns Knox and Vivienne look like.

Now you might be saying “Aman, this photo looks like something you drew on Microsoft Paint as you were waiting for the Domino’s Pizza guy to bring you a scrumptious deep dish pizza to your apartment.” That’s one way to look at it, but I don’t see any other sketches of Angelina’s babies out there, do you?

People magazine, I shall start the bidding on my photos at $1 million. Now that’s a deal.

Big secret: I’m not big on celebrity baby news.

I know, I know. What kind of Suburbarazzo am I? Oh, that’s right. A single dude without kids. So, there’s that.

But before you complain about my indifference, consider all the hype leading up to the birth of twins in France by former Sneden’s Landing resident Angelina Jolie and boyfriend Brad Pitt. Yes, the parents are beautiful people, if you consider special editions of People magazine, charitable causes and overall hotness. But one might’ve thought that with yesterday’s arrivals of Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt, a boy, and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt, a girl, would come with an end to worldwide war, pestilence and famine. (No one ever mentions pestilence anymore. And that’s a shame.)

So when the mayor of Nice emerged next to Jolie’s obstetrician to hoist Knox’s birth certificate into the air as if it were the panacea for AIDS, cancer, malaria and the common cold combined, forgive me if I forgot to cover my mouth when I yawned.

At least this time, compared to Entertainment Tonight’s supposed “exclusive” six weeks ago, yesterday’s report appears to be true.

But while paraparazzi trip over themselves to try to land the coveted exclusive baby photos, let’s just remind ourselves that—with the rare exception depicted on “Seinfeld”—all babies are really cute, so it’s really no big deal.

Yes, I’m bitter I can’t take the first photos of the twins and hock them for millions. What was your first clue?

(AP Photo of Brangelina/Matt Sayles; AP Photo of birth certificate/Claude Paris)

First up, big ups to Aman Ali for joing the Suburbarazzi family. Good times ahoy! Now, back to the mildly relevant celebrity news to which you’ve all grown accustomed:

Brooke Shields was in West Nyack yesterday, filming a Volkswagen commercial on Route 59. There were traffic delays as a result of the shoot.

When I realized that I’d be somewhere between Somewhat Miffed and Mildly Intrigued on the trapped-in-traffic reaction to this news, it got me thinking: What so-called celebrity would cause the most anger as far as a traffic hold-up is concerned? And which one would make you feel so impressed, that you felt like you were the one inconveniencing the actor?

For me, I’d probably be cursing and honking loudest if the shoot involved anybody from “The Hills.” And I’d put my car in reverse so as not to disturb the unexpected commercial work of Meryl Streep or Denzel Washington.

Aw, who am I kidding? I’d try to crash any of those shoots just to try to land a scoop for Suburbarazzi. I care about my readers, doggone it.

But I ask you, dear readers, which traffic-stopping celebrity would cause you the most agita?

(AP Photo/NBC, Jon Ragel)

If you haven’t heard, Ted Mann (aka T-Money) will be leaving the Journal News later this summer. I, Aman Ali, shall take his place patrolling the streets of Suburbia and monitoring which of our local celebrities have been pulled over for driving their Lexuses under the influence of too much Haha Juice.

To tell you about myself, I am a 23-year-old trapped in a 23-year-old’s body born three days after myself. And I’m pretty awesome at making grilled cheese sandwiches. Oh, and beating 8-year-olds in video games. If you’ve never beaten an 8-year-old in Guitar Hero 3, you really should. It does marvels for your self esteem. And it’s therapeutic for your soul. Take that, Deepak Chopra.

What are my credentials you ask? Ah yes. I’ve been a reporter at the Journal News since 2007. And I regularly go to comedy clubs across the country, telling audience members humorous stories while I’m on stage in a standing up position. I’m not sure what that profession is called. Well, talking to an audience could be considered dictation, so I think that makes me a dictator?

How does Irvington’s Meredith Vieira stay so young looking?

Simple, she doesn’t.

Gee, thanks, People Magazine.

Lately I’ve been in the market for a home and, inevitably, I’ve been become positively addicted to Realtor.com. So much so that I’m actually reading the articles archived on their site. One of which was an interview with Sneden’s Landing homeowner Lorraine Bracco.

Now, I think it’s great that Bracco says Realtors are boss in the Q&A, but her optimism about housing as an investment struck me as a little odd. After all, the home she’s trying to sell in Rockland has been on the market for four years. She’s dropped the price from $4.4 million to $2.9 mil. (Incidentally, it’s still listed on the Mason Sammett site, if you’re interested.)

Yet she still says, “I’ve never had a bad experience with real estate or a real estate professional.” A few other incongruous excerpts from the interview after the break.

All I have to say is, if you haven’t already signed up for LoHud’s news alerts, you’re missing out (it’s as simple as texting “lohud” to 44636). I got an SMS about this story while coming home from the gym and, voila, this morning’s post is all taken care of.

The newsflash is that Hill, a 23-year-old forward for the Philadelphia 76ers, was pulled over for drunk driving in Mount Kisco. He was stopped at about 4:30 am when police saw him make an unsafe lane change. Now, while I would never, ever condone drunk driving, like some of our Suburbarazzi regulars (cough, Nick DiPaolo, DMX), I will say this in Hill’s defense: At 4:30 on that stretch of the Saw Mill, there’s probably no such thing as a safe lane change. Same goes for the Bronx River and Hutch and just about every other windy-ass parkway in Westchester County. Thanks a million, Robert Moses.

Anyway, Hill was released to his friends at 7 am and is due back in court on July 24.

LoHud Article

On the show this week: Wall-E’s connection to Yonkers, Rosie O’Donnell’s “affair” with Cindy Adams, and Nick DiPaolo’s very unfunny experience following a USO comedy show.

Podcast file

Flash video

At the end of the video and after the break is the answer to this week’s quiz: The Pleasantville Music Festival this Saturday will feature Joan Osborne, who landed a huge hit in the ’90s with “One of Us.” Which of these Mike Myers movie characters claimed to write that song?

A) Wayne Campbell
B) Austin Powers
C) Dr. Evil

Former Sneden’s Landing resident Aidan Quinn hasn’t had the best luck with network TV series of late. First there was his turn as a pill-popping priest NBC’s “The Book of Daniel,” which got canceled after four episodes. Then there was his turn in the legal drama “Canterbury’s Law” on FOX, which made it to a whole six episodes before being dropped by the net last May.

I would have thought that those two, Quinn might have turned all his attention back to movies (or at least HBO movies, like “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee,” which earned him an Emmy nod). But not so fast.

We just learned that he’s been cast in the new ABC series “Prince of Motor City.” It’s sort of a Bill Ford as Hamlet kind of role. The other lead role in the series will be played by Rutger Hauer. Thow in the rest of the decent-sounding cast—Andie MacDowell, Piper Perabo, John Carroll Lynch, and Sharon Lawrence for starters—and after two-strikeouts, Quinn may finally have a possible hit on his hands.

The Hollywood Reporter is already calling it the “Dirty Sexy Money” of the pilot season. By which we can only assume they mean, a really strong ensemble show that gets off to an outstanding first season … and then has an interminable Sopranos-like hiatus before its next season.

(AP Photo/ Louis Lanzano)

First she had to go and whoop Ice-T’s butt on Celebrity Family Feud. But now Joan Rivers has really crossed the line. The former Larchmont resident is launching her own Broadway show on SIRIUS, thus pitting her against our own beloved Jacques le Sourd.

Ok, so maybe Jacques’ WCBS terrestrial radio gig and LoHud video podcast aren’t exactly direct competition for satellite radio, but still, there’s only room for so many Great White Way pundits out there.

The Rivers show, “Can We Talk … About Broadway,” was supposed to have begun the week of June 30th. It’s an hour-long show airing daily at noon on SIRIUS’s Broadway’s Best channel. If anyone out there has actually listened to it, please tell us what you think. Or rather, tell us how pathetic it is in comparison to the snarky brilliance and snappy dressing of her her French sounding compeititors.

(Celebrity Family Feud photo: NBC)

The simmering feud between the Screen Actors Guild and the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists appears ready to finally hit a boil. Today AFTRA is expected to finally ratify its primetime deal with producers and studio—an arrangement that SAG is vehemently opposing, mostly because it’s hoping to strike its own sweet deal in the coming months, and any kind of actors-union precedent will make things trickier.

Variety has a nice breakdown of all the possible scenarios (11 to be exact) for what will happen if the AFTRA deal goes through, or if it somehow gets scuttled. But what I’ve been wondering lately is, where do our local celebs stand on the possibility of another Hollywood strike?

We’ve already seen that Rye native Justine Bateman was one of the first to stick her neck out for SAG. She’s since been joined by A-listers like Jack Nicholson, Ed Harris and Viggo Mortensen.

Still, the AFTRA forces are mobilizing, and it looks like Susan Sarandon is ready to get vocal. Really, was there any doubt that the vocal Pound Ridger wouldn’t speak up sooner or later. According to the Chicago Tribune, she’s one of 600 actors (including Tom Hanks, Kevin Spacey and Alec Baldwin) who signed a letter in support of the AFTRA deal.

Meanwhile, George Clooney doesn’t have a dog in this fight. He just wants the two sides to stop “pitting artist against artist.” Still, if the can’t-we-all-just-get-along angle doesn’t work, I’m sure he’d settle for a little artist-on-artist action.

(AP Photo/Keystone, Martial Trezzini)