With A Husband Like This, Who Needs Enemies?

Al and Jeanine go their separate ways

What is there to say about Al Pirro? Sent to jail for alleged tax fraud, fathered a child out of wedlock, received multiple speeding tickets, married to a media star whose almost comically awful run for Attorney General has thrust him into the spotlight—Al Pirro is like some tragic anti-hero from a Tolstoy novel.

In this week’s New York Magazine, Al gets surprisingly candid.

So consider today Pirro-palooza at Suburbarazzi. First, some highlights after the jump:

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Russell, We Hardly Knew Ya!

Russell CroweAlas, it appears that Russell Crowe has left Nyack. In a blurb titled “Invisible Man,” the New York Post’s Page Six reports that Crowe has finished filming “American Gangster” with Ridley Scott and Denzel Washington in New York, and has now packed up his family and returned to Britain.

As we reported in Rockland Magazine last month, Crowe spent an estimated $100,000 to rent Pretty Penny (the old Helen Hayes estate). Despite the Post’s claim that he “managed to keep such a low profile that he was nearly invisible,” Nyackers saw plenty of him. He became a regular at Pickwick Book Store, Vertigo, and a half-dozen other nearby restaurants (more on where he ate in our upcoming November dining issue). In addition to filming his gangsta flick, Crowe also shot “Tenderness” with Laura Dern in Rockland and other surrounding ‘burbs. The only time we caught sight of Crowe and Co. was in New Rochelle, while filming a scene for “Tenderness” at athe Dorchester Gardens condos (2241 Palmer Ave).

Mostly, though, we’re just sad that we won’t get to see Crowe and his band make good on their pledge to play at Vertigo. Maybe when he comes back to promote “A Good Year” Vertigo owner Leslie McGettigan can talk him into talking the stage finally.

“INVISIBLE MAN” [NYP Page Six]

“AS THE CROWE FLIES” [Rockland Magazine]

“FROM FOES TO FRIENDS,” about Crowe meeting in Nyack with Richie Roberts, the former Essex County prosecutor he plays in “American Gangster” [Star Ledger]

In Celebrities We Thought Were Dead News

Jackie Mason was at the Westchester Performing Arts Center on Sunday in a nearly-sold out show—it’s a big theater Jackie, don’t worry about it.

Was he funny? I couldn’t tell you. I had better things to do on a Sunday afternoon (okay I was staring at the wall in my living room). But if anyone was there, please tell me how he was.

And for the rest of you, here are a few classic Mason lines. Add “ba-dum-bum� drum sounds yourself:

“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.�

“It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like.â€?

“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.�

“Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only thing is, they get it for less.�

Time’s Joe Klein Goes Out On A Limb: Barack Obama Could Possibly Maybe Run For President!!!

Can we all just stipulate here and now that Barack Obama, the freshman senator from Illinois, is the media’s favorite, even if he’s only been in office about two years. But then what’s not to love? He’s charismatic, funny, young, and is neither a Bush nor a Clinton.

Pelham’s Joe Klein reports this week for Time Magazine from the metaphorical campaign trail that has every political reporter licking their lips.

Welcome to Pelham, Isabella

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Isabella Rossellini (who made a name for herself in the 80s starring in David Lynch’s Blue Velvet, and it’s lesser-known sequel, Blue Cashmere: The Rise of Winter wear) was in town Saturday to introduce a new movie about her famous director-father, Roberto Rossellini (if you’ve never heard of him please stop watching Desperate Housewives on your Tivo and rent Voyage to Italy immediately!!!).

Breaking celebrity chef news!

Apparently I am the only person in the United States who isn’t obsessed with The Iron Chef on the Food Network. But for the rest of humanity, the following news will probably be pretty exciting:

This year the competition’s theme is: “Battle of the Grills� and was taped this morning in Manhattan. And Peter Kelly, the top restaurateur in the Lower Hudson Valley (with three eateries in Rockland and an upcoming opening in Westchester) took on mega-chef Bobby Flay.

So there you have it, Pretty Boy Bobby Flay VS. Hometown Hero Peter Kelly.

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A note to readers

Okay, we don’t live in Malibu and there are no paparazzi outside the A&P in Dobbs Ferry waiting to snap photos of celebrities. Which is a real shame, but also an opportunity. We’re relying on you for scoops. There are hundreds of bold-faced names stalking the streets and shops we frequent. If you see something, let us know. Has Glen Close’s dog pooped on your lawn? Did you see Debra Winger buying lasagna at the supermarket? Is David Letterman a frequent patron of the same restaurant you are? Anonymity will be guaranteed. Email us tips at rzeliger@lohud.com. But don’t lie to us! We can tell when someone is lying. Like, for example, Russell Crowe was probably not arrested by Nyack police last month, drunk, and yelling anti-Semitic slurs at the arresting officer. (that was me).

Just in: Martha Stewart is not completely evil

At least this headline in The Journal News would seem to indicate as much:Martha Stewart

“Stewart pledges $1M for emergency room�

According to the story by Sean Gorman, Stewart cut herself with a shank—I mean carving knife—last year and got stitched up at the Northern Westchester Hospital emergency room, near her 153-acre Bedford estate.

She was apparently moved by the experience and decided to give something back to the facility. So there you have it, a completely selfless, non-evil, honest-to-goodness kind act by Martha Stewart with absolutely no strings attached…except for this little one:

“Before it can receive the donation, the hospital must raise an additional $2 million from the community by the end of the year, according to a hospital news release.�

Ahh Martha Stewart—even her charitable giving is kind of evil.

Bonnie Fuller is just like them

On a media panel sponsored by Reuters last week, the Queen of Celebrity Gossip, (and Hastings resident), Bonnie Fuller had a wonderfully awkward exchange with another panelist, who asked her how she felt when the gossip columns wrote about her. Fuller said it was all “just part of the job� and that she accepts the fact that she’s in the public eye.

The moderator asked: So you set the same standard for yourself as you do for the celebrities you cover.

Fuller’s response: “I guess so, yes.�

Does anyone have a photo of Ms. Fuller feeding an ice cream cone to her dog outside Carvel? Or a shot of her schlepping groceries out of the A&P? Please share!!!