Comicon, as you may have heard, is THE place to promote any and every sci-fi or action project in the works. Either that or it’s a very clever plot by Gillian Anderson to round up all world’s uber-geeks and dissapear them in plume of purple smoke.

Until that happens, though, movies like the “Star Trek” reboot, the upcoming “Watchmen” comic-book-turned-blockbuster, TV shows like “Heroes” and “Lost,” and even the “Dr. Horrible” webisodes will continue getting the red carpet treatment. Add to that list one Stephen Baldwin, who has co-created a new comic book series, dubbed “The Remnant.”

For your consideration:  A supernatural thriller cartoon in the vein of “24,” with religious undertones.

 

Baldwin, who has a home in Upper Grandview, summed it up this way to CBR (Comic Book Resources, to those of you not in the know):

“I wanted to do a comic that asked the big questions but answered them in little ways. Philosophy and spirituality are complex beasts, but I believe literature’s purpose is to contextualize these tricky subjects into entertaining stories that speak, not preach, to the reader.”

Now, if only we could convince them to do an reboot of that Illustrated Children’s Bible, with Jack Bauer periodically showing up to interrogate the apostles. That I’d pay to see.

(AP Photo/Eric Jamison)

But that’s not all. He’s also vowed, in an interview with Fox News, to move to Canada if Barack Obama is elected.

Consider that reason No. 2,304 to vote for the Illinois Senator.

Of course, it’s worth noting that another Baldwin bro, Alec, made the same kind of bizarre threat back in 2000, vowing to head north if George W. Bush won the election. And unless “30 Rock” is filmed in Vancouver, I’m pretty sure he didn’t stick to his guns.

Also, Stephen crossed his fingers while making the pledge and joked “let the media have fun with that,” so he likely wasn’t serious. Still, the prospect of an ex-pat Stephen Baldwin in Canada does actually make a little more sense. I hear acting gigs are far easier to come by in Vancouver these days.

“Celebrities who threatened to move out of the U.S. when Bush got elected” [LA Times]

Baldwin was selected to be a kind of “cultural advisor” to the Bush administration over a year ago (I kid you not), and he joined singer Michael W. Smith and other members of the President’s Council on Service and Civic Participation, USA Freedom Corps, Boys & Girls Club of Greater Washington, and the Corporation for National and Community Service for the festivities. Among other things, the event promoted the creation of a new online toolkit designed to help get kids involved in volunteering.

But not everyone is such a big fan of Stevie B’s activism. Chief among his recent critics: brother Billy Baldwin (a former Bedford resident), who has been especially critical of the younger Baldwin’s anti-gay stance. In a recent interview with Out magazine (via AHN), Billy lashed out. The quotes are after the break …

“my brother Stephen becomes a Christian and the next thing you know he’s stumping for Sam Brownback. And when Brownback got knocked out then he’s stumping for Huckabee. ... And I said, ‘Well if you had a choice – if you and your wife were to die and your kids were still young and you had a choice between your children being in foster care and potentially being physically and emotionally and sexually abused as opposed to being adopted by a loving, healthy, caring lesbian or gay couple, what would you rather have?’

“He couldn’t answer, and I said, ‘Thank God Dad isn’t here on this earth right now, because he would be so devastated and so horrified.’”

“I think Stephen enjoys the juxtaposition of my brother Alex and me on one side and he on the other side and again the attention that might garner in the media that Baldwins are at war at the dinner table. ... I don’t love my brother any less, but I think he’s very confused.”

Billy (who lives in Bedford) has a small part in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” starring in the show-within-a-show, the mock “CSI” series “Crime Scene.” I’ve never seen somebody lampoon David Caruso quite so perfectly … except, of course, David Caruso himself in “Jade.”

The best part of the whole “Crime Scene” setup—NBC actually created a website for the faux show: nbc.com/Crime_Scene/

All this got me to thinking: Which Baldwin brother does spoof TV (or film) the best? Remember “Cleaver”? Or, more recently, “The Celebrity Apprentice”?

And the nominees, along with video clips and a poll, are after the break.

Daniel Baldwin, “Cleaver”—A movie project cooked up by Christopher on the final season of “The Sopranos,” “Pork Store Killer” (as it was originally titles) was billed as “Godfather 2 meets Saw” and featured Daniel as the doppelganger for Tony Soprano. Here’s “The Making of ‘Cleaver’”:

Alec Baldwin, “Dora the Explorer”—OK, so maybe he didn’t intend to spoof himself, but I still find this one hilarious. In a nutshell: Baldwin’s infamous call to his “rude, thoughtless, little pig” daughter, synced up to an episode of animated series.

Stephen Baldwin, “The Celebrity Apprentice” —‘Nuf said. If you never actually tuned in to see Upper Grandview’s Stephen in action, do yourself a favor and watch a clip, any clip. Very funny stuff.

Billy Baldwin, “Crime Scene”—Can’t leave this one out. Lots of great clips on the NBC spoof site, but here’s just one here for your viewing pleasure.

Fortunately for the flick, a few more reviews trickled in over the last day, and Pacino can breathe a “Hoo Hah!” sigh of relief. The film is now tallying a somewhat less embarrassing 12 (putting it, as of this morning, at #29 on the worst-movies list).

OK, what am I saying, that’s still abysmal. And to think I was giving the trailer for his other upcoming movie, “Righteous Kill,” a hard time. That was just mean.

Which is to say, not much better than he was doing while taking on Piers Morgan and Treace Adkins. Now granted, this being a faith-based awards ceremony, it is kind of home turf for Baldwin. Just imagine if they were attending the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards? My guess is that Flat Stanley would have nothing to do with Stevie B.

“Flat Stanley Works the Red Carpet” [LAist]

Scroll down about half-way for the pic of Stephen and Stanley.

(Illustration by Ismael Roldon)

Also on tap for this Thursday’s “CA” episode: Upper Grandview’s Stephen Baldwin is going to ask to resign. No, not because of any longstanding grudge with Wang, but rather thanks to his stewing grudge with fellow contestant Piers Morgan. It takes me back to the good ol’ days of “Celebrity Mole” and Corbin Bernsen, the last person to bring out Baldwin’s true born-again bitchiness. Ah, good times.

(AP Photo/Richard Drew)

Why exactly the Martha Stewart edition of the show tanked and yet the Stephen Baldwin-Omarosa reboot is booming is beyond me. Perhaps it has something to do with the lack of competitive programming. Then again, with “Lost” back on the air, it’ll be interesting to see what happened to this week’s “Apprentice” numbers. (For the record, I watched “Lost” live and DVR’d Trump & Co.)

As Trump was eager to point out in the NBC press release, ”’Celebrity Apprentice’ [is] the #1 show on Thursday nights so far this year. Ben Silverman and his team have done a tremendous job and Mark Burnett and I are thrilled to begin an eighth season of this amazingly successful franchise.” An NBC rep even went so far as to call the celebrity-ized version “a game-changer for the series.”

Let’s just hope and pray that Ted McGinley gets cast for 2009.

The honor comes from GaySocialites.com (I get these things from Google News alerts, I swear), which also cited his anti-gay marriage position, support for Mike Huckabee, and the film “Threesome” as further evidence of Baldwin’s bitchiness. I would have listed his role as Barney Rubble, from “The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas.” But that’s just me.

(NBC Photo: Justin Stephens)

Be sure to wait for it, wait for it. About halfway through the video is a gem of a quote from Alec Baldwin on his brother—the one who lives in Upper Grandview: “There’s no one more full of crap than Stephen.”

The only thing that that would have been better than that is if he’d done it in the “30 Rock” voice of upstairs neighbor Mrs. Rodriguez.

With or without impressions, though, it’s still great television.

The episode featuring Alec is set to air this Thursday, Jan. 19, at 9 p.m. DY-NO-MITE!

“Alec Baldwin and Jim Cramer guest star on next week’s ‘The Celebrity Apprentice’” [NBC]

(NBC Photo: Nicole Rivelli)

At the end of the video and after the break is the answer to this week’s quiz: Of the following celebrities who have called Mount Vernon home, who was scheduled to receive a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today?

A. Sean “Diddy” Combs
B. Sidney Poitier
C. Phylicia Rashad
D. Denzel Washington

The answer is A) Diddy. A bit of a trick question, because Combs’ Walk of Fame announcement was made previously but his ceremony is slated for this Friday; and Poitier’s already represented on the Walk of Fame.

Baldwin made the statements while calling into the Howard Stern show to promote his appearance on “Celebrity Apprentice,” hosted by Westchester real estate maven Donald Trump. Baldwin, who is the conservative yang to brother Alec’s liberal yin, said he’d ban gay marriage if he were president:

I don’t believe that gay marriage is in line with God’s Word, which is found in the Bible. So, what I think doesn’t matter; what I believe is what’s in the Bible and the Bible says that gay marriage is not acceptable.

Stephen Baldwin also told Stern he stopped taking photos of the license plates belonging to patrons of an adult entertainment store in Nyack. (“I’m done with that.”) Baldwin once threatened to track down the identities of the vehicle owners and publish the names in full-page newspaper ads.

UPDATE: Web site Good As You has audio of the Stephen Baldwin clip here.

(Photo by Natalie Jade Ray for The Journal News)

While Baldwin, who lives in Upper Grandview and was only actively promoting the drink back in 2004, doesn’t appear to be connected to any of the wrongdoing, there is one strange loose end in the case. Richards is still apparently trying to shake down investors. On Distributorship.com—“The place to find the best business opportunities, best franchise opportunities, wholesale beverages and available beverage distributors on the internet”—you can still inquire about being a Loco Joe vendor. What’s more, Baldwin is still an (unwitting?) shill for the company, with the following testimonial proudly featured on the site:

Dear Friend,

You do not have to look very far to see that coffee is big…we here at Charity Beverage USA are currently preparing to go nation wide, with a great new tasting drink called loco Joe iced cappuccino, using the new innovative 8.25 oz ready to drink Tetra Prisma packaging.

We hope that you will join us in the exciting chance, to take hold and control a part of the huge ready to drink coffee market. Not only is this a great opportunity for your own success, but its also a great chance to make a difference in lives of so many others.

Stephen Baldwin
Media Promotions

While I can’t claim to have ever tasted the “innovative” 8.25 oz drink myself, and thus cannot endorse it or its distributorship opportunities, I do have to hand it to Richards. For a business named Loco Joe, nice choice of spokesperson!

Prediction for 2008: Let’s hope that was his last celebrity-themed reality-TV travesty. Why not try teaming up with fellow man of faith Mel Gibson?

Ed. Note: Yes, another Baldwin. And Yes, it has finally happened: Stephen has outranked one of his brothers on a list. Granted, the two were separated in our magazine versions of “People of the Year” (Billy appeared in InTown, Stephen in Rockland). But for the purposes of this celebrity-only list on Suburbarazzi, Stephen still comes out on top in our estimation.

Adapted from “People of the Year,” Rockland Magazine, December 2007

Illustration by Ismael Roldon

Perhaps the most telling thing to come out of the news that Stephen Baldwin will be competing on the next season of “The Apprentice”: He wasn’t The Donald’s first choice. Michael Lohan was.

Tabloid Baby claims that Lohan had already accepted the offer to appear on the show when NBC lawyers learned of the wayward dad’s criminal past and current parole. That’s when Baldwin, an Upper Grandview resident, stepped in to pinch hit.

As we’ve reported before, the two born-again ministers (Baldwin and Lohan, that is) became buddies while trying to launch a $15 million teen detox center on Long Island. It’s good to see the two tag-teaming yet again on another worthy cause.

(Lohan: AP Photo/ Dick Yarwood; Baldwin: Gwynne Johnson / Rockland Magazine)

Then again, if Rosie had somehow signed on for this wackiness, it might have become truly transcendent.

Watch video of the hot dog challenge over at TMZ. (NBC’s thugs try to block the footage initially, but watch long enough and you’ll see Baldwin, et al, giving their all at the hot dog cart.)

(photo: Gwynne Johnson/Rockland Magazine)

According to Star Pulse, Bedford’s Billy Baldwin was the recipient of just such a prank at the hands of his wife, Chynna Philips. The made-up stalker, “Melissa Farrell,” was exposed at a family Thanksgiving party by brother (and Upper Grandview resident) Stephen Baldwin.

Billy’s take on the whole stalker affair is after the break …

I had a celebrity stalker for three weeks. Everybody was in on it – my doorman; my neighbours; my family; my manager; my agent. I ran a political non-profit organisation, the manager of that too. I’d come home, and my wife would go, ‘Honey, she called again.’ So I’d go to the answering machine and she would say, ‘Billy, I saw you on Columbus Avenue today. This is Melissa Farrell talking and who the hell do you think you are? You looked at me and when our eyes met, you looked the other way. All I’m asking for is a little friendship and let me tell you something mister, I’ll have it.’ My wife would take the cordless (phone) and record the message, and then go back in the room and play it and if it didn’t sound right she’d delete it and do take two until she perfected it. Then the head of my non-profit called and said, ‘Some woman named Melissa Farrell called and she was flipping out… she was ranting and raving and screaming.

You know your wife loves you if she’s willing to prank call charities on your behalf … under a pseudonym. That or she’s stark raving mad. Either way, it’s still damn cute.

(AP Photo/Seth Wenig)

L.A.-based contemporary artist, Tim Hawkinson, has been showcasing his latest work, Zoopsia (Visual hallucinations of animals) which will be on display until Sept. 9th. The exhibit is anchored by the gargantuan installation of Hawkinson’s Uberorgan. Don’t confuse this towering work of art for Stephen Baldwin’s kidney, built with giant biomorphic balloons and tentacle-like horns that angle toward the central rotunda of the museum’s Entrance Hall, this is a musical instrument. The Uberorgan has a 250-foot long scroll that is deciphered by switches in a player and creates a slow symphony that sounds like a belching elephant bellowing in various octaves.

I’m still puzzling over why exactly the comparison was made to Upper Grandview’s Stevie B. But I like it. Really like it.

LAist, you are hereby awarded the first (and perhaps only) Suburbarazzi Simile of the Month award.

(Photo by Gwynne Johnson/Rockland Magazine)

After the break, find out the answer to this week’s quiz question: Yorktown High School alumnus Eric Stein appears on what current reality TV show?

Download

Answer: B. He is “America’s Player” on “Big Brother 8.” And he’s won at least $10,000 in the process. Way to represent the Lower Hudson Valley, Eric!