Will Howard Stern call it quits in 2010?

On Thursday, shock jock Howard Stern deliberated his future on the air after his $500 million contract with Sirius satellite radio expires in 2010. During the discussion on his show, the former Briarcliff Manor deejay said on multiple occasions that this really could be his last radio contract, but sidekick Robin Quivers noted that he’s said that many times before.

He added that no matter what he thinks over the next couple of years, he planned to discuss the matter at length with show staff members when a year remains on his contract.

howard.jpgA month into 2010, Stern will turn 56 years old. While the $500 million contract covers the production cost of his entire show and is not exclusive to Stern’s salary, radio’s most talked-about deejay has no shortage of cash and stock options now, let alone coming his way these next three-and-a-half years.

Still, while he likes to complain about waking up early and computer and equipment malfunctions, he has never had more freedom to put on the show he’s always wanted, without the constant fear of censorship from the Federal Communications Commission that he faced when he was on terrestrial radio.

If I were a betting man, I’d wager that Stern will call it quits from the day-to-day radio show business when the contract is up, but still work as a producer in some capacity.

What’s your prediction?

(Associated Press file photo by Stuart Ramson)

Tarrytown comedian on Jeni suicide: ‘His whole identity was as a stand-up comic’

Greg Fitzsimmons, a frequent sit-in guest on Howard Stern’s radio show and a Tarrytown product, talked Thursday about the apparent suicide of journeyman stand-up comic Richard Jeni. Fitzsimmons told the former Briarcliff Manor deejay he received a late-night phone call from fellow comic Dave Attell, then reflected on his own 17 years as a stand-up comedian and Jeni’s personal life.

<blockquote><div>You see somebody who you respect that much and who you think has got it all, and then it ends like that and you realize that they’re really unhappy and that’s my future. Luckily I’m married and I have kids and I love them. I have some more balance in my life that he didn’t have. … His whole identity was as a stand-up comic. One quote that I heard was (from) a friend of mine (who) talked to him the week before (Jeni died) and (Jeni) was freaking out because his 2007 calendar was not filled — the <em>whole</em> year had not been filled. There were holes in it.</div></blockquote>

When fellow stand-up comedian Artie Lange chimed in with “See, that’s a sickness. That’s, like, crazy,” Fitzsimmons agreed to an extent.

<blockquote><div>That made him crazy. And again, I don’t want to say why he did it. I have no idea. There were rumors that he had an illness; there’s obviously a possibility that he had chemical problems.</div></blockquote>

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Where did the Howard Stern show first go to try to replace sidekick Jackie ‘The Jokeman’ Martling? Westchester County Airport.

Today on the Howard Stern show, Jackie “The Jokeman� Martling returned as a sit-down guest for the first time since the show moved from terrestrial radio to Sirius satellite radio on Jan. 9, 2006. There were plenty of laughs and awkward exchanges between Martling and friend/rival Fred Norris, who both wrote jokes for the shock jock before Martling left the show after a drawn-out contract dispute.

In early 2001, Martling rejected a final contract offer from Infinity Broadcasting (now CBS Radio) to return to the show and laugh too hard at his own jokes. Stern — who launched his professional radio career at 107.1 FM in Briarcliff Manor — agonized over the transition to move on, but it was one he said he had to make, according to producer Gary Dell’Abate (a.k.a. “Bababooeyâ€?).

After today’s show, the producer explained to listeners how Stern made his first real step toward replacing Martling by authorizing Dell’Abate to pick up a prospective replacement at Westchester County Airport, which straddles North Castle and Harrison and borders Fairfield County, Conn.:

<blockquote><div>Howard called me that weekend and he was like, ‘Listen, it’s done. Jackie’s not coming back. I just got off the phone with (92.3 FM General Manager) Tom (Chiusano). The last offer was made. We’re moving forward.’ And for Howard to speak those words was very difficult. And I remember we talked about who would we get to sit in. … He goes, ‘Hey, you know, Ron Zimmerman? The comedian? He’d like to sit in.’ And I remember, it was a big deal. I had to go to Westchester Airport on a Saturday night and put on my credit card a first-class ticket for him to come in overnight. But I remember when Howard gave me the go-ahead — he was like, ‘Fly him in’ — that was really the finality of it: that, like, we’re putting a different guy in that chair. And it was hard for him. It was hard for him to do that. He did not want to do that. It wasn’t what he wanted, but he was like, ‘I have to move ahead.’</div></blockquote>

In the months that followed, other comedians — including Tarrytown product Greg Fitzsimmons — would audition for the right to sit in Martling’s chair. Former “Mad TVâ€? star Artie Lange was awarded “The Jackie Chairâ€? later that year.

(Associated Press file photo/Louis Lanzano)

Suburbarazzi voters don’t care who Howard Stern’s soul mate is

One thing you can say about Suburbarazzi voters: They care about not caring.

When asked who Howard Stern’s true soul mate is, not only did a non-Suburbarazzi writer suggest the answer “Who cares?” but 34 additional people followed suit and voted the same way. Nearly a quarter of the 147 voters (registering 35 votes) felt compelled to make known their apathy, though it remains to be seen if the bulk of those people were part of Les Moonves’ legal team or Kathie Lee Gifford supporters.

The former Briarcliff Manor deejay’s fiancée, Beth Ostrosky, finished fifth in the voting with 7 percent (11 votes). Who finished ahead of her? Howard Stern, himself (22 percent; 32 votes), Stern show co-host Robin Quivers (19 percent; 28 votes) and first Stern wife Alison Berns (8 percent; 12 votes).

Here are the rest of the results, with producer Gary Dell’Abate and the enigmatic “Thanks! Good Photos!” at the bottom of the list with two votes and one vote, respectively.

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Joan Rivers literally gives a piece of Vincent Price to Howard Stern sidekick

Former Briarcliff Manor deejay Howard Stern walked away from Wednesday morning’s show with an earful of jokes about his once-improbable engagement to model Beth Ostrosky. Today, his long-time sidekick, Robin Quivers, walked away with a handful of Vincent Price’s ashes, thanks to red-carpet fashion critic Joan Rivers.

The legendary comedienne, who once lived in Larchmont, said she finds it “comforting” to collect the ashes of celebrities and/or friends of hers, including her ex-husband, her dogs and everybody’s favorite “Thriller” narrator.

“I’m trying to get Anna Nicole Smith,” she joked.

The last time Rivers visited Stern at his Sirius studio, Quivers told her that she was a big fan of the horror icon and wanted some of his ashes. Stern said the show received e-mail protesting Quivers’ request.

Stern himself wasn’t sure how to react at Rivers’ generosity. Find out his reaction, Rivers’ justification and Quivers’ intentions, after the break.

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Howard Stern pops the question

And for once, it’s not about underwear.

The former Briarcliff Manor deejay proposed to his long-term girlfriend Beth Ostrosky last night at his Manhattan apartment, and she accepted. When he announced the news this morning at the start of his radio show, his crew immediately began busting the chops of the man who repeatedly swore off marriage and begged others not to marry after he and his first wife announced their divorce in 1999. Ostrosky called in to the show later in the morning, saying she has happy and “shocked” with the proposal.

He also once bet his long-time sidekick Robin Quivers $1 million that he would not marry again. Quivers has said she would not demand the payout if the marriage comes to fruition, but I’m sure she’ll mention the terms of the wager repeatedly until and after such a ceremony takes place.

No wedding date has been set, Stern and Ostrosky said.

(Associated Press file photo by Diane Bondareff)

Unlike Anna Nicole Smith, Donald Trump won’t let Rosie O’Donnell feud die

Initially calling in to discuss the death of Anna Nicole Smith, Bedford property owner Donald Trump ripped into a small army of LoHud personalities and O.J. Simpson this morning on the radio show of Howard Stern (not to be confused with Howard K. Stern, Smith’s former attorney and alleged father to her newborn daughter).

Trump on attorney Howard K. Stern: “There’s something with that guy. I think he’s just bad news. … He’s a loser. He’s a loser. I think he’s some kind of a degenerate, in my opinion, and his whole life revolved around (Smith). And by the way, I give him zero (chance) that it’s his baby.”

Trump on Anna Nicole Smith: “I know a lot of beautiful models, and they’re saying, ‘Oh, she’s so dumb. She’s so dumb,’ and in the meantime, she (had) a shot at $500 million and they don’t. … How did she lose the weight, do you think? … I think she had the operation.”

Trump on Nyack resident Rosie O’Donnell: “I understand her; I don’t like her. She is not a smart person. She’s just a bully. … I think you have to be vicious when you’re dealing with a vicious person. … I got, I would say, 85 percent (of e-mails) in favor of the way (I handled the feud). And I had a lot of good friends of mine say, ‘Donald, why do you attack her?’ And I say, ‘Because I have to.’ Genetically, I have to. In other words, she made statements about me that were totally false, then corrected those statements. But you know what? She was more angry at anything that I gave Miss USA a second chance.”

Find out what Trump said about Barbara Walters, radio host Howard Stern and O.J. Simpson after the break.

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Rosie O’Donnell gives Howard Stern the thumbs-up

Despite recent rants against Bedford dweller Donald Trump, Anderson Cooper and a small army of other media folk, Nyack resident Rosie O’Donnell is giving props to a once-unlikely acquaintance: the self-proclaimed “King of All Media,” Howard Stern.

On her blog Wednesday, Ro Ro wrote about* Howard’s recent payday, a bonus worth almost $83 million as a reward for surpassing subscriber projections at Sirius satellite radio. She then congratulated Stern:

<blockquote><div>a business
mr stern

Howard and Rosie used to bitter, bitter rivals, but the two patched things up last year after they crossed paths at a restaurant.

Stern, who launched his professional career as a disc jockey at 107.1 FM in Briarcliff Manor, was briefed yesterday about O’Donnell’s poetry by a reporter for Howard 100 News. (Yes, Howard hired his own news department, which is run by Westchester resident Liz Aiello.)

How did Stern react? Find out after the break.

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Martha Stewart says no to Trump, underwear and her maiden name

On Howard Stern’s radio show this morning, Martha Stewart said she wasn’t about to mend fences with fellow Bedford resident Donald Trump.

Should you decide to invite both to a party, “Don’t sit us next to each other,â€? she told her Sirius colleague, referencing the flap Trump and Stewart had over her spinoff of “The Apprentice.” When asked if she would argue with The Donald in that case, she replied, “I can just turn my back.” Great idea, Martha. Just give him more surface area for a knife plunge.

More highlights from the former Briarcliff Manor deejay’s interview:

• Stewart said she wasn’t wearing a bra or underwear during Howard’s interview. I’m not sure that’s “a good thing.”

• Stewart recalled the dates she went on “years agoâ€? with New York City Mayor/North Salem horse farm owner Michael Bloomberg, and admitted that when she dated Anthony Hopkins she couldn’t get past the Hannibal Lecter character. That’ll ruin a nice Chianti.

• Stewart said she has never dated a black man, but is attracted to rapper Kanye West. Somewhere, Busta Rhymes is jealous.

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Good to know: When Nick Di Paolo is on the Saw Mill, you may want to NOT be on it…

You all know Nick Di Paolo right? No, neither did we really (heck, we couldn’t even find a picture of him so you’re going to have to use you’re imagination). He’s best known for his commentaries on the short-lived Comedy Central show, “Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn.â€? Some of his bons mots include: “The only advice I ever got from my dad is this: sex is like pizza, even when it’s bad you still gotta pay for it.â€? And the classic: “I was born gay, but 8 months of breast feeding wiped that right out. I’m just glad my Dad wasn’t walking around naked when I was teething.â€?

Okay, so he’s pretty funny, we’ll give him that. The point, though, is that Di Paolo, who lives in Northern Westchester, just got a radio gig on 92.3 FM, which once carried Howard Stern and Classic Rock and now carries 50 guys making fart jokes all day long.

Yesterday, Di Paolo was killing time on air because the phone lines were down and started discussing a news item about blind people getting permits to hunt in Texas. If they can hunt, shouldn’t I be able to drive drunk, he asked. Then he said: “You have to have a few drinks in you to drive on the Saw Mill at night on the weekends.�

You do? I had no idea that my sober driving all these years was such a social faux pas. Someone get this man a breathalyzer (or a pre-fab in Jersey). Nick, granted, as your bio says, you have an “uncompromising point of view� (also, apparently you had a recurring role on Grace Under Fire, which must mean you were abused in unspeakable ways by Brett what’s-her-name), but maybe you could joke about something that doesn’t involve manslaughter.

Suburbarazzi: Music consultant to the stars?

Was “Late Show” sidekick and Bedford resident Paul Shaffer inspired by recent musings of Suburbarazzi? Consider the evidence.

Monday morning: Suburbarazzi chronicles Mountain’s upcoming Westchester County Center concert, whose set list is likely to include one or more performances of “Mississippi Queen.”

Tuesday afternoon: Suburbarazzi previews the appearance of former Briarcliff Manor disc jockey Howard Stern on “Late Show,” hosted by North Salem resident David Letterman.

Tuesday evening: For that day’s taping of “Late Show,” Shaffer’s CBS Orchestra plays “Mississippi Queen” for Stern’s entrance music.

Your witness!

Even if Paul totally plays it off that he didn’t read Suburbarazzi the last two days — I mean, who hasn’t? — he still gets points for picking songs cleverly relating to Stern’s latest appearance. Behold the wit and wisdom behind Paul’s bald noggin after the break.

Paul Shaffer

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Stern warning

Howard Stern, who launched his professional radio career as a DJ for 107.1 FM in Briarcliff Manor in the late ’70s, will be sitting on the couch tonight next to North Salem resident David Letterman for what’s likely to be another memorable appearance on “The Late Show.”

When I say “memorable,” I mean it. The last time Howard was on Dave’s show, the DJ wore a T-shirt that attacked CBS chief executive officer Les Moonves, whose company was suing Stern at the time. (The suit was later settled.) Years earlier, there was this shining moment of fashion. So, love him or hate him, Stern is likely to make an impression.

Also scheduled to appear on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” and “Jimmy Kimmel Live” in the week ahead, Stern will be promoting the goods and services of his employer, Sirius satellite radio, which started airing his show Jan. 9.

Since last week, Stern has been discussing his late-night talk show circuit plans with his morning crew, which this week includes George “Sulu” Takei. Takei just signed on to play Hiro Nakumura’s father on “Heroes,” starring Palisades native Hayden Panettiere. (Suburbarazzi Rule No. 318: Find any way possible to connect back to “Heroes,” starring Palisades native Hayden Panettiere.)