Got a problem? Talk to Bill Clinton…

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The former Leader-of-the-Free-World tells New York Magazine this week that lately he’s found himself taking on a new role—“Westchester caseworker� for his wife’s constituents here in the county. “People come up to me all the time and say, ‘Where’s my Social Security check?’� the Chappaqua resident says (with “a twinkle in his eye,� according to the magazine).

One could assume this is all practice for his (potential) future career as First Gentleman of the Country (or at the very least as his wife’s campaigner-in-chief), but while he’s at it let’s take advantage. Bill, is there anything you can do about traffic on 287?

Chelsea doesn’t get to vote in Chelsea

Chelsea ClintonMuch as we’d like to, you can’t make up stuff this good. The New York Times’ Empire Zone blog reports that Chelsea Clinton couldn’t vote for her Chappaqua mom yesterday because when she arrived at her West 20th Street polling place, her name wasn’t on the voter rolls.

Luckily, they did have her on the books at Fort Clinton, in Central Park … although that meant she could only vote in the 1812 election for another of her namesakes, Vice Presidential candidate George Clinton. Instead she simply opted to write in Borat.

Robert De Niro’s talkin’ to me? Well I’m the only one on the phone so he must be talkin’ to me…

Hi this is Robert De Niro. You might remember me from such films as “We’re No Angels” and “Showtime,” but today I’m talking about something serious…

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It’s possible that at some point in the next week you’ll check your messages and The Taxi Driver himself will have called. De Niro –along with Tony Bennett—is stumping for Chappaqua’s Hillary Clinton in her Senate reelection bid and a number of local residents have reported getting a call from him asking for their support.

Casa Pirro

Pirro tells New York Magazine: “I love to entertain.�pirro1.jpg

“And they had just the spot,� reports Steve Fishman. Their $5 million mansion was built to resemble a Venetian palazzo. “They’d toured marble factories in Italy, selecting their favorites for the floors, for the stairs. ‘It’s marble on marble,’ says one friend. Two Vietnamese potbellied pigs, Homer and Wilbur, got their own small house out back, penned by an elaborate wrought-iron grill. (One visitor figured it was the servants’ quarters. The help, though, slept downstairs, near the exercise studio where Jeanine could sometimes be found before dawn.)

The article continues: “The Pirros held lots of parties. ‘A lot of dancing. A lot of entertaining,’ says Jeanine. They hosted theme nights. Cowboy night, Mexican night. One friend remembers spotting the district attorney at the top of a marble staircase in four-inch Manolos and bustier. ‘If you’ve got ’em, flaunt ’em like diamonds,’ Jeanine explained.�

With A Husband Like This, Who Needs Enemies?

Al and Jeanine go their separate ways

What is there to say about Al Pirro? Sent to jail for alleged tax fraud, fathered a child out of wedlock, received multiple speeding tickets, married to a media star whose almost comically awful run for Attorney General has thrust him into the spotlight—Al Pirro is like some tragic anti-hero from a Tolstoy novel.

In this week’s New York Magazine, Al gets surprisingly candid.

So consider today Pirro-palooza at Suburbarazzi. First, some highlights after the jump:

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