Watch out, China…Here comes Martha?

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The good folks of the People’s Republic are facing a U.S. invasion. No, the American administration didn’t throw a dart at a map to choose its next war, the threat facing China is much more existential…Martha Stewart!

According to NY Post media columnist, Keith Kelly, the Katonah resident will be making a “hush-hush” “fact-finding tour” to the world’s most populous country to see if it’s ready for Martha Stewart Living magazine and several spin-off products. The country has a burgeoning middle class that the domestic diva hopes is ready for her…um…Martha-ness.

Martha Stewart tries to come to an understanding with Katonah…a delicious, chocolatey understanding

tjndc5-5dgeztifon45rmk5igv_layout.jpgThe Journal News called it “cookie-diplomacy.â€? Last week, the domestic diva met with about 25 of her northern Westchester neighbors to discuss her attempt to trademark the hamlet’s name for a line of home design items. And, apparently, she baked them all chocolate chip cookies! MMMMMM…

Members of the Katonah Village Improvement Society and the Katonah Chamber of Commerce were present for the pow-wow, which was “friendlyâ€? and “humorous,â€? but also “serious at times,â€? one person present told the newspaper. “Ms. Stewart is a very engaging personality. So it was a very pleasant evening.”

Stewart declined to drop her trademark plans, however, and told her television audience last week:

<blockquote><div>We wanted to name our furniture Katonah, and we wanted to protect our Martha Stewart Signature line of Katonah furniture with a trademark, which is a typical thing to do and generally you just do it. You don’t go to the town to ask them because there are about 30 businesses in Katonah named Katonah.</div></blockquote>
May I just say, if Martha ever wanted to bake me cookies, I’d let her trademark my name.

(AP Photo/Diane Bondareff)

Celebrity Auction Face-off in South Beach

It’s February now, and that means I’m daydreaming in my cube about one thing: sunny Miami. Or more specifically, the South Beach Wine & Food Expo, which begins later this month.

photo-36de641054a4a5a03030879210049387200300.jpgAnd while most of us won’t actually make it to Florida to see the Food Network celebrity chefs in action, you can still get in on the fun right now, at the Festival’s online auction. Best of all: Two of our very own Lower Hudson celebs have packages up for grabs. Katonah resident Martha Stewart (Wait, do I need a trademark symbol to say that now?) is offering an all-access pass to a taping of her show. And “Sopranos” star Lorraine Bracco, formerly of Sneden’s Landing, will treat you to “Dinner with the Godfather” (shouldn’t that be Godmother?) at a Miami beach restaurant and give you a whole bunch of bottles of her very own Bracco Wines.

Don’t know about you, but it doesn’t surprise me at all that the Bracco package is beating Martha’s right now (albeit with only one bid for $2,100). Still, if there are any Martha fans out there, hurry, only 15 days left to make an offer. And remember, it’s all for a good cause — Florida International University’s School of Hospitality & Tourism Management Teaching Restaurant.

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South Beach Wine & Food Expo

And speaking of Martha Stewart…she’s supporting her Westchester neighbor, Hillary Clinton, for prez

In a conversation with Joanne Lipman, editor-in-chief of Conde Nast’s in-development business magazine Portfolio, at the Princeton Club last week, the domestic diva was asked if she would be supporting Hillary in ’08.

Her response? She’s already written a check for the maximum amount.

She also took a subtle dig at her old nemesis, Donald Trump, telling the editor she loves Rosie O’Donnell. Now those are fighting words!

When Martha met Judy

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The two Lohud ladies were in Naples, Florida last week for the Winter Wine Festival and met up at a private dinner/auction.

According to The Naples News, Stewart and the Judge (who were both named by Forbes Magazines as two of the richest women in entertainment) had never met before, but hit it off immediately.

<blockquote><div>

“Where were you when I needed you?” quipped Martha to the straight-shooting judge, as the two hugged. “I had a woman judge, but she wasn’t anything like you. You call a spade a spade.” </div></blockquote>

Stewart, who was wearing a “cream-colored Donna Karan bejeweled top, lace skirt and long brown sweater,� and “strands of pearly jewels draping her neck� looked “nearly angelic,� according to the Florida paper.
The dinner benefited a local children’s charity and was prepared by famed New York chef, Daniel Boulud (of the restaurant Daniel on the Upper East Side).

(Martha: AP Photo/MSLO/Scott Duncan; Judy: AP Photo/Damian Dovarganes)

Martha Stewart’s Katonah?

Once upon a time there was a Native American tribal leader, Chief Katonah. He died along with his wife and son when, according to legend (i.e. the internet) they were struck by lightning…other sources say it was only his wife and son who were struck by lightning, and he died a short time later of “grief.� Regardless, before he died, the Chief sold a piece of land to local settlers, and part of that land was eventually named after him—Katonah. Yada yada yada a few hundred years—past the Revolutionary war, the invention of the railroad, Teddy Roosevelt becoming president, women getting the right to vote, and Abba debuting—and today, the name Katonah is at the center of a new battle.

Martha Stewart, one of Northern Westchester’s most high profile residents, wants to use the name on a new line of furniture and home furnishings. The domestic diva has applied for a trademark on it, according to The Bedford Record-Review. Intjndc5-5bhvj8ftjig128wy36jw_layout.jpg a story by Neal Rentz, some locals expressed their anger. The co-president of the Katonah Village Improvement Society, William O’Neill, said Ms. Stewarts attempt to “appropriate our name� is a “terrible idea…Katonah is our town, and the name should be available for us to use without restriction.�

According to a press release cited by the Record-Review, Ms. Stewart said the product line “was inspired b not only my own farmhouse and stables but by the beautiful landscape and topography of the region in which I live.�

There’s been no word yet on whether anyone will try to block Martha Stewart’s trademark application. But somewhere, Chief Katonah is surely turning over in his grave.

Perfume Poll: Smells like celebrity spirit

While regional real estate seeker Derek Jeter tries to convince you that smelling like a chilled grapefruit is a great holiday gift idea, Suburbarazzi asks the question no one else dares: What if other celebrities with a connection to New York City’s northern suburbs released a line of fragrances?

Would you be inspired (read: nuts) enough to fork over $85 for a tinted bottle of pungent liquid and “your free gift (of toiletries nobody wants), while supplies last”?

Well, we care not only about what you want, but also about what you don’t. Have your say on the worst potential celebrity essence money could buy.

<div class=”box”>[poll=2]</div>

Why does Martha Stewart insist on making it difficult for us to hate her?

stewart.jpgFirst, she donates $1 million to Northern Westchester Hospital and now this: The New York Post reports that Stewart participated in the “Wig Project� by Brooklyn-based artists Ken Solomon. Stewart will join over 5,000 other people posing for photos wearing the same black wig. When even The Post starts calling her a “good sport� you know there’s something to it.

Martha, you’re making our jobs harder by not conforming to your cold-as-ice-reputation. You’re going to need to either start killing a few puppies…or smiling more.

Martha Stewart says no to Trump, underwear and her maiden name

On Howard Stern’s radio show this morning, Martha Stewart said she wasn’t about to mend fences with fellow Bedford resident Donald Trump.

Should you decide to invite both to a party, “Don’t sit us next to each other,â€? she told her Sirius colleague, referencing the flap Trump and Stewart had over her spinoff of “The Apprentice.” When asked if she would argue with The Donald in that case, she replied, “I can just turn my back.” Great idea, Martha. Just give him more surface area for a knife plunge.

More highlights from the former Briarcliff Manor deejay’s interview:

• Stewart said she wasn’t wearing a bra or underwear during Howard’s interview. I’m not sure that’s “a good thing.”

• Stewart recalled the dates she went on “years agoâ€? with New York City Mayor/North Salem horse farm owner Michael Bloomberg, and admitted that when she dated Anthony Hopkins she couldn’t get past the Hannibal Lecter character. That’ll ruin a nice Chianti.

• Stewart said she has never dated a black man, but is attracted to rapper Kanye West. Somewhere, Busta Rhymes is jealous.

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Because, deep down, we know DMX studies hard data about socioeconomic patterns abroad

Yesterday, Suburbarazzi correspondent Ted Mann informed us about star-crossed cappuccinos in Mount Kisco, where the elite get all half-caf on the Starbucks staff. Ted reported that the baristas-to-the-stars have hob-nobbed with Martha Stewart, Tommy Hilfiger, DMX and Robert Newman.

Call the following scene a hypothetical — because, um, that’s what it is — but I like to picture Stewart, Hilfiger, DMX and Newman not only buying their coffee there at the same time, but also meeting there while John McLaughlin leads a round-table discussion about the week on Capitol Hill.*

John McLaughlin: Issue No. 1: The commander-in-chief talks Iraq. CNN credits Bush as saying that “an Iraq that can govern itself is a noble goal.” Is this feasible? Martha Stewart!

Martha Stewart: John, an Iraq that governs itself is a good thing, and for that to happen—

John McLaughlin: Tommy Hilfiger!

Tommy Hilfiger: Conflict resolution is always in fashion, but I hope that Bush will—

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Star Maps: The Mount Kisco Starbucks

Mt. Kisco Starbucks

(map courtesy Google Maps)

It’s official: the Starbucks in Mount Kisco is the single best place to spot celebrities in Westchester. We already knew that Martha Stewart, Tommy Hilfiger, DMX, and Robert Newman like to order their lattes there. But while reading Susie Costaregni’s gossip column in the Stanford Advocate, we caught a graf about Bedford’s Billy Baldwin and Chaz Palminteri also hitting the South Moger Ave coffee spot. (Presumably the two were chatting about Palminteri’s cabaret act, “My Life in Song,” which he’s been performing at Lorenzo’s Caberet on Staten Island, and which, according to The Post, Billy recently attended a performance of).

What about Chappaqua? True, the coffee chain’s other nearby chapter does boast some serious celebrity wattage (Bill, Hill, and Vanessa Williams, for starters), but we’re still giving Kisco the edge for its outreach to local felons like DMX and Stewart.

What Willis et al. have been talkin’ about

References to former Bronxville residents Ed McMahon and President John F. Kennedy, as well as a hand-gestur-ific quote from Bedford resident Donald Trump, are among TV Land’s 100 top television catchphrases, whose ranking will be revealed in five parts on the network starting Dec. 11.

McMahon’s “Heeeere’s Johnnyâ€? introduction to “The Tonight Showâ€? joins quotes both by and about Kennedy, including the prez’s own “Ask not what your country can do for you” speech and Lloyd Bentsen’s “Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy” quip to master speller Dan Quayle.

The owner of the Trump National Golf Course in Briarcliff Manor and the greatest hyperboles in the tri-county area once uttered his Top-100 phrase “You’re fired� to Eastchester High School alumna Ereka Vetrini.

TV Land offers a pretty comprehensive list, but I’m disappointed that more lines uttered by regional residents missed the cut, including:

  • “From the home-office in Sioux City, Iowa….”– North Salem resident David Letterman.
  • “I’m Chevy Chase, and you’re not.â€? – Bedford resident Chevy Chase.
  • “It’s a good thing.â€? – Bedford resident Martha Stewart.
  • “Homer, we’re out of vodka.” – Greenwich, Conn., resident Ron Howard to Homer Simpson on “The Simpsons.â€?