David Letterman interviews the real Dreamgirl, Diana Ross

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The former MoTown Queen, who was the inspiration for the original Broadway production that the movie was based on, said she hasn’t had time to see Dreamgirls yet.When the North Salem funnyman asked her whether she was curious about the film, Ross said: “Yes, I’ve heard a lot about it. I’m going to see it with my lawyers.”

Before you get the wrong idea, Ross is well known for taking her hired help to films. Last month she saw Running with Scissors with her driver and Happy Feet with her gardener. That’s just the kind of stand-up woman she is.

Ross also revealed to David Letterman that she would be “mentoringâ€? this year’s crop of American Idol wannabes. Which is kind of “Circle of Life,â€? the Hollywood version, don’t you think? Ross becomes a MoTown Diva. Hollywood make a movie about her. A castoff from a talent show gets to the opportunity of a lifetime to star in the film and then the inspiration for the movie goes and helps other people from said talent show make it in the entertainment business. Isn’t life beautiful?

Beyonce Knowles wants you to know she isn’t bitter…or fat

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Occasionally we like to recommend people to our friend, Hasting’s-bred Keith Olbermann, to include on his show’s “Worst Person in the World� segment. To wit, we offer the diva-tastic ramblings of Beyonce Knowles. Okay, granted, in the scheme of things Knowles is probably not the ‘WORST’ person in the world (at least not while there are still lawyers running around), but let’s just say she doesn’t deserve any ‘friend-of-the-year’ awards anytime soon. She recently spoke to People Magazine and gave a quote that was so dazzlingly passive aggressive, so festered with bitter, diva resentment, that we all must pause for a moment and worship the Gods of Celebrity megalomania.

It’s been rumored that Knowles (and her father) have been angry about the final cut of Dreamgirls, the Christmas flick that is apparently the greatest musical to hit the screen since Ginger Rogers glided across the ballroom. The problem is Knowles, who’s nominally the “star,” is said to have been completely upstaged by American Idol castoff Jennifer Hudson (who makes her film debut as Effie White and reportedly blows the proverbial house down with her Oprah-lauded performance). But this was supposed to be Beyonce’s big acting triumph and Beyonce is angry that she’s not reaping all the praise and Oscar-buzz that Beyonce deserves. What’s an upstaged diva to do? Talk to People Magazine of course and set the record straight. She’s happy for her adorable co-star and has absolutely no resentment at all toward her. None. Couldn’t be further from the truth. She LOVES Jennifer Hudson. She would giver her a kidney. If she was a lesbian, she’d marry her. Why on Earth would anyone think that Ms. Beyonce Knowles has anything against Jennifer Hudson? What could possibly give people that impression?

“I mean,” said Knowles, “I wish I could’ve gained 20 pounds and played Effie.”

Right, if only Knowles was fat like Jennifer Hudson, who’s fat. But unfortunately Beyonce Knowles is not FAT. Life’s so unfair. But she’s happy for Jennifer Hudson—who’s fat. Talented and fat.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to vomit a little in my mouth.