On the podcast this week: George Clooney comes to Pelham, Mary J. Blige launches her own women’s center, and DMX gets arrested two times in one week. Yes, seriously, two times in one week.

Podcast file:

Flash video:

The quiz this week:

Chappaqua’s Vanessa Williams finally got her college diploma over the weekend … 25 years after she dropped out to become Miss America. Can you guess which school she graduated from?

A. Harvard
B. UCLA
C. Syracuse
D. Howard

Now, unlike Karen DePodwin, please don’t look this up on Google. That’s called cheating, friends.

Make an honest guess, then watch the video or click through to read the answer after the break.

More than seven months after after the story that DMX had three dead dogs buried behind his Arizona house, and 12 more that were malnourished and possibly the victims of animal cruelty, Arizona law enforcement finally arrested the rapper on Friday. This comes on the heels of yet another DMX arrest earlier in the week, for doing 114 mph in a Chevy Nova.

According to the Arizona Republic, he tried to barricade himself in his bedroom while the warrant was being served. Eventually he emerged, was hauled down to the Fourth Avenue Jail, and bond was posted at $7,500. Authorities also picked up more marijuana, drug paraphernalia, and weapons on the raid. DMX’s court appearance is scheduled for this Thursday—but, if his Westchester track record is any indication, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he skips town.

The only thing harder than pushing a ‘66 Chevy to 114 mph on a suburban Phoenix freeway? Trying to keep track of how many times rapper/actor DMX has been arrested for pulling such stunts.

His latest run-in with the law took place on Tuesday, when police took him into custody at his north Phoenix home on charges of criminal speeding, public endangerment, reckless driving and driving on a suspended license. Apparently the Arizona po-po uses remote cameras to speeders on the Loop 101 freeway in Scottsdale, and the nabbed DMX—also known to the law by his given name, Earl Simmons—driving at 100, 101 and 114 mph. In a Chevy Nova II, no less. Complete with “DMX” decal on the windshield.

Here, shots of the offending incidents, which were actually recorded back on January 21, 2008:

DMX driving 114 mph on January 21, 2008.

DMX going 100 mph on the same day. In a Chevy Nova!

Remember, DMX, who grew up in Yonkers and still owns a house on the Bedford/Mount Kisco border, also has two outstanding bench warrants in Westchester for prior moving violations (which he failed to show up in court for). And last April, police raided his Arizona house, finding abused pit bulls, a weapons cache and cocaine. The rapper hasn’t been charged with any crimes there, though.

“DMX arrested for speeding, reckless driving in Ariz” [Excite]

MORE: Suburbarazzi’s previous DMX coverage

(Mug shot and speeding camera stills: AP Photo/Arizona Department of Public Safety)

In case all you Pi Beta Phis out there ever considered hiring DMX for your next Spring Fling shindig, don’t. Yeah, sure, he’s wild and unpredictable and sure to yield some crazy cocaine-addled/ pitbull-abusing/ warrant-flaunting stories. But as the brothers at Indiana University’s Lambda Chi Alpha learned when they scheduled him for a recent performance, he might just also lead to a riot.

At the show in question, the rapper, who lives on the Mount Kisco-Bedford border, showed up an hour late. When he finally got on stage at 9:30 p.m., police were taking positions, getting ready to put the kibbutz on the whole thing. According to this account, officials sprayed mace into the crowd, only making the matter worse.

You’ve heard from Teddy Kennedy. And of course James Carville has weighed in. Come to think of it, I’m not sure there’s a single politician, celebrity, or pundit who hasn’t voiced their opinion on Hillary vs. Barack … except, that is, Northern Westchester resident DMX … until now.

The best part, though, is that when DMX was interviewed by XXL Magazine and the topic of the presidential race came up, the rapper was inexplicably, outstandingly oblivious.

Q: Are you following the presidential race?
A: Not at all.

Q: You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
A: His name is Barack?!

Q: Barack Obama, yeah.
A: Barack?!

Q: Barack.
A: What the f—- is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

More from this watershed interview, including the line referenced in this post’s title and plenty of dashed-out expletives, after the break.

A hyperactive black man, a dread-wearing B-list actor, and a hottie Latina walk into an abandoned house. … Yes, I know, sounds like the setup for screwball comedy. But what if the house was in China? And they were in company with a psychotic killer. And only had an hour to live!

Oh yeah, and what if the cast consisted of DMX, Michael Madsen, and Monica Cruz? Yep, straight to video. The film in question, “Last Hour,” appears to be trying to straddle the ultra-violent models created by “Saw” and “Kill Bill” (in a nod to the latter, it stars David Carradine, who was in “Kill Bill” with Madsen), yet from the YouTube trailer, it’s hard to make any sense of the plot at all—much less why Paul Sorvino would agree to star in dreck like this.

On the plus side, the kinetic energy (and love of firearms) of Westchester resident DMX jumps right off the screen. That said, it’ll be tough to top the last performance of him we saw—during a coked-up recording session for his new Gospel CD.

The DVD for “Last Hour” releases April 15, just one day before the anniversary of the Virginia Tech massacre, the deadliest shooting rampage in modern U.S. history.

It’s been a busy month for Bedford/Mount Kisco homeowner DMX. Since video of him looking coked up and erratic showed up on the Internet right before the holidays, the following has happened:

On January 11, a Maryland judge awarded Monique Wayne $1.5 million in damages, as a result of a character defamation suit she filed against DMX. Wayne, who is the mother of the rapper’s son, sued after he said in an interview with Sister 2 Sister Magazine that he was sexually assaulted during a one-night-encounter in 2003. We reported on this back in 2006, after the interview came out. Wayne already won a paternity suit against DMX in 2004, and was suing the deadbeat dad for $6 million this time around. As has been the case with nearly every other court date the man has faced in the past year, he failed to show up at the Maryland court to defend himself. [E! News]

So, given that Sony dropped him from their label, how is he going to manage to pay Wayne? Why, by cutting an album, duh. But not just any old album—a gospel album this time. And a combination hip-hop album, to boot. Call it gospelraphop. The albums, which are to be released by independent label Bodog Music, will be called “Walk With Me Now” and “You’ll Fly With Me Later,” and as DMX explained it to MTV, “The same title is gonna be on both albums, but on one album one part [of the title] is gonna be [highlighted], … the other album, the other name is gonna be [highlighted].” Got it? Also interesting, the gospel album will have no swearing and “No songs about b——es, no songs about robbing, just straight ‘Give God the glory.’ ” [MTV News]

(AP Photo/Louis Lanzano)

Just in time for Christmas, our most notorious (and MIA) “Person of the Year,” rapper DMX, has finally turned up. The Yonkers native, who lives on the Bedford/Mount Kisco line, came out of hiding for a recording session at Sony. And boy, was it a jolly old time.

Not only does X look completely drugged up and erratic in videos from the day, but according to Tribune Media Services, the rapper was rushed to a hospital last week after passing out in the recording studio. Still, I’m glad that at least somebody got a white Christmas this year. Ba dum bum.

Here are the two clips. Anyone who can make out what the heck he’s saying in No. 2 gets a Suburbarazzi t-shirt.

UPDATE: DMX is no longer with Sony. According to Billboard, he was released from his contract earlier this year (maybe “dropped” is more accurate), and recently he signed with the music division of Canadian online gaming company Bodog Entertainment. Billboard also reports that X is planning to put out two albums, “Walk With Me Now” and “You’ll Fly With Me Later,” in 2008 via Bodog. Thus it would appear that the recording session in the clips is Bodog.

FYI, X’s last album with Sony, “Year of the Dog … Again,” sold 329,000 copies in the United States, according to Nielsen SoundScan.

UPDATE 2: The Celebrity Truth reports that the story about DMX being hospitalized (which may have originated in the Daily News’s Rush & Malloy column) is incorrect. Said an unnamed record company rep, it’s “100 percent false.” The anonymous spokesperson also supposedly said, “He’s at home with his wife for Christmas.” The only named source in the story, Scott Mason, Simmons’ entertainment lawyer, added that the video “has got people thinking that he might on something, that’s what kind of made them wanna make up a story like that.”

The rapper’s 2006 album, Year of the Dog … Again, may go down as one of the most prescient titles in music history. After a rough ride last year (in which he spent a night in the White Plains slammer), 2007 was worse—a nonstop string of dog days. It began on February 2, when DMX (who owns a home on the Mount Kisco/Bedford line) was arrested for blowing a red light in Yonkers. Then, in March and April, he missed court date after court date—for traffic violations in Yonkers and White Plains—and was rewarded with a pair of matching arrest warrants. Later this summer, his concert series fell apart, and, in civil court, a judge ordered him to pay $242,000 for a business deal gone bad. Finally, in August, another bombshell: Police raided DMX’s Arizona home and found a stash of weapons, cocaine, and abused pit bulls—including three dead ones buried in the back yard.

Prediction for 2008: He’s still on the lam, but if DMX does turn himself in, we’d love to see a revival of his BET reality series, Soul of a Man—only now set in Sing Sing with co-star Michael Vick.

(Illustration by Ismael Roldon)

Earl Simmons is still MIA, but the latest lab tests on his pit bulls have come back and things don’t bode well for the Mount Kisco homeowner.

According to the preliminary necropsy report (see the full PDF of the police report here) the medical examiner found extensive evidence of severe abuse to the dead dogs (at least, on the ones that weren’t already too decomposed). The findings included blunt force trauma to the right shoulder of one pup, trauma to the left caudal chest and left cranial abdomen, and bite wounds on various dogs’ radius, humerus, and shoulder blade bones. There were also burns so intense that a dog’s sex was indeterminable.

Oh, yeah, and there was also cocaine. The police confirmed that the powdery substance they found at DMX’s home was indeed nose candy.

For some inexplicable reason, the Maricopa County Sheriff still hasn’t issued any arrest warrants for the rapper, though he’s still obviously wanted for questioning. While the evidence of dog abuse is pretty damning, they’re still trying to determine whether the pit bulls were used in dog fighting, a felony offense. The bite wounds seem to suggest that possibility, though they might not be enough evidence to convict. Of course, the Arizona officials could always take a cue from their law-enforcement counterparts in Westchester: Issue arrest warrants now, ask questions later.

Find a whole collection of photos of the raid and the rescued dogs after the break.

The latest update on the DMX dog-abuse in Arizona is in, and the Maricopa County sheriff can now confirm, officially, that the pit bulls dug up in the rapper’s back yard had “serious wounds.”

Uh, um, ok … well, wasn’t that kind of a given, seeing as how they were dead and all?

I suppose old age could have been the cause, but after finding 12 other abused dogs still alive in the house, it wouldn’t have been such a big leap to assume that’s how the three in the back yard ended up that way. The sheriff confirmed to the AP that one dead dog had serious bite wounds, another had trauma to its abdomen, and the third carcass was so badly burned that an exam was inconclusive as to the exact cause of death.

The police still have yet to file charges against the rapper, who has a house on the Mount Kisco/Bedford border, but the sheriff told the AP, “Someone’s going to have to pay for this. We have 12 dogs who were abused and three dogs buried in the yard.”

Meanwhile, DMX’s lawyer, Murray Richman, replied to the allegations: “How do you attribute activities to a person who has not been there, when they have knowledge that other persons have been. Is it because of the celebrity nature?”

Perhaps, Murray. If a dog dies in the backyard of a person previously convicted of animal cruelty, was it really abused?

I say, no, provided said animal abuser is out of the country, ducking multiple warrants already out for his arrest.

MORE: Previous DMX Posts

(AP Photo/ Louis Lanzano)

Here’s an interesting theory, espoused by Boston’s Weekly Dig blog. Maybe Mount Kisco rapper DMX isn’t actually the dog abuser that the Arizona cops have painted him to be. Perhaps, in fact, he’s just a misunderstood animal lover—someone who loves doggies so much he had a pit bull tattooed across his back, uses dogs on his album covers, and even launched a line of canine couture (which, incidentally, he’s now being sued over).

After the break, I’ll recap blogger David Thorpe’s theory on the whole Earl Simmons quagmire, and how it all basically boils down to a simple “Of Mice and Men” pathos.