The Brangelina Drawing Saga Continues!

So I was reading an Associated Press article saying that former Sneden’s Landing resident Angelina Jolie is using the $14 million she got from her newborn baby pics to set up an international children’s fund.

Which gave me an idea. As you know, we here at Suburbarazzi are hawking EXCLUSIVE drawings of Brangelina’s twins and to help motivate you guys to bid, I’ve decided to recruit my charity celebrity friends. Ok fine, I don’t know any of these people, but I’m pretty awesome at using Microsoft Paint.




(Alan Sader: AP Photo)

(Sally Struthers: AP Photo/Lee Celano)

(DMX: AP Photo/ Louis Lanzano)

Pics of Brangelina babies go for $14 million

People magazine spent $14 million to get pics of Angelina Jolie’s newborn twins. Holy Shiite!

That’s 14 million junior bacon cheeseburgers! Considering the grim economic times for the news business, that definitely isn’t chump change. I’m heartbroken they didn’t consider my sketches of the babies, which would have been a bargain for People mag at $1 million:


Look how cute they are. I think Knox has Brad Pitt’s eyes.

Well, these pics are still up for grabs. Tiger Beat magazine, now is the time to step up to the plate and throw down some cash.

EXCLUSIVE: Sketches of Angelina Jolie’s newborn twins!

The Associated Press reported that the first photos of Angelina Jolie’s newborn twins could be worth between $10-20 million!

The photographs may not have been leaked yet, but I got my hands on the first sketches of what the newborns Knox and Vivienne look like.


Now you might be saying “Aman, this photo looks like something you drew on Microsoft Paint as you were waiting for the Domino’s Pizza guy to bring you a scrumptious deep dish pizza to your apartment.” That’s one way to look at it, but I don’t see any other sketches of Angelina’s babies out there, do you?

People magazine, I shall start the bidding on my photos at $1 million. Now that’s a deal.

Brangelina twins born, anticlimax ensues

Big secret: I’m not big on celebrity baby news.

brangelina.jpgI know, I know. What kind of Suburbarazzo am I? Oh, that’s right. A single dude without kids. So, there’s that.

But before you complain about my indifference, consider all the hype leading up to the birth of twins in France by former Sneden’s Landing resident Angelina Jolie and boyfriend Brad Pitt. Yes, the parents are beautiful people, if you consider special editions of People magazine, charitable causes and overall hotness. But one might’ve thought that with yesterday’s arrivals of Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt, a boy, and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt, a girl, would come with an end to worldwide war, pestilence and famine. (No one ever mentions pestilence anymore. And that’s a shame.)

twins.jpgSo when the mayor of Nice emerged next to Jolie’s obstetrician to hoist Knox’s birth certificate into the air as if it were the panacea for AIDS, cancer, malaria and the common cold combined, forgive me if I forgot to cover my mouth when I yawned.

At least this time, compared to Entertainment Tonight’s supposed “exclusive” six weeks ago, yesterday’s report appears to be true.

But while paraparazzi trip over themselves to try to land the coveted exclusive baby photos, let’s just remind ourselves that — with the rare exception depicted on “Seinfeld” — all babies are really cute, so it’s really no big deal.

Yes, I’m bitter I can’t take the first photos of the twins and hock them for millions. What was your first clue?

(AP Photo of Brangelina/Matt Sayles; AP Photo of birth certificate/Claude Paris)

‘Entertainment Tonight’ kinda-sorta stands behind claim that Brangelina birthed twins

Whenever there’s a dispute involving “Entertainment Tonight,” I’m always secretly hoping that John Tesh and Mary Hart will lead us to resolution and that Leonard Maltin’s review of said events will be graded on a 1-to-10 scale. (And yes, I’m aware I’m dating myself.)

brangelina.jpg“ET” is in the midst of a snippy dispute involving the pregnancy of former Sneden’s Landing resident Angelina Jolie and her beau, Brad Pitt. Citing supposed sources from a delivery room in France, the show reported Friday that Brangelina gave birth to twin girls named Isla Marcheline Jolie-Pitt and Amelie Jane Jolie-Pitt.

That’s a great story, but Pitt’s manager is denying the report and there’s a claim that “someone might be posing as Jolie’s personal assistant to fool reporters,” according to the Associated Press.

If you’re waiting for a retraction, join the club. The executive producer for the show said yesterday she wanted to “see how this story plays out” before renouncing the report. Uh… ok.

For the sake of argument, let’s pretend that the babies were indeed born last week. Why on earth would Pitt’s people say it didn’t happen? Because the couple would suddenly be swarmed by paparazzi? This just in: That’s kind of already happening.

Something tells me that whenever the births take place, “Entertainment Tonight” is going to run a segment called “See? Told you so!” Even if the babies arrive in August.

(AP Photo/Matt Sayles)

Ang Lee adopted by Brangelina

Not quite sure what Adar Eisenbruch was going for in his piece for the Johns Hopkins News Ledger — a kind of “Shouts and Murmurs” riff, presumably. Whatever it is, I like it.

And since there aren’t nearly enough reasons to write about low-key Larchmont resident Ang Lee, I figured I’d point y’all to this.

One little excerpt:

Asked how the 53-year-old Lee would fit into their family, Jolie acknowledged that he was “a bit” older than the other children she and Pitt have adopted but explained that they “were looking for a different sort of parenting challenge.” She further stated that the couple hopes that “Anggie” would be a “good big brother, a role model” to their other children, named Maddox, Pax, Zahara and Shiloh.

“Brad, Angelina adopt Ang Lee” [JHNL]

Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie hot for Halloween (as opposed to any other time)

brangelina.jpgFor those among the celebrity-obsessed seeking to be a star for a day, the hot costumes this Halloween are of power couple Brad Pitt and former Sneden’s Landing resident Angelina Jolie.

US Weekly cites a Captain Morgan/Kelton Research survey of 600 Americans, who rate Brangelina as this year’s most popular celebrity inspiration for holiday get-ups. Presumably, couples who dress up this way will spend the night arguing with each other over who’s more good-looking. Blech.

Other couples popular in the poll were Britney Spears and Kevin Federline; Chappaqua residents Bill and Hillary Clinton; recent Pelham dweller Tom Cruise and wife Katie Holmes; David Beckham and Posh Spice; and George W. and Laura Bush.

Among the late-night TV show hosts, New Rochelle native Jay Leno beat out North Salem resident David Letterman, among others — just like in the ratings. I’d prefer Letterman as a costume or as a talk show host, myself.

(AP Photo/Francois Mori)

Action! Westchester shoots attract A-listers, including George Clooney, Meryl Streep and Glenn Close

The public relations reps for Westchester County became unofficial Suburbarazzi late last week, informing the public about county-based TV and film projects featuring high-profile stars, including Academy Award winners Meryl Streep and George Clooney (pre-motorcycle crash).

george.jpgClooney was quietly wrapping up a New Rochelle shoot at a “private home and inside CostCo” for the Coen brothers movie “Burn After Reading,” according to a Sept. 21 county press release. The film, which also stars Brad Pitt, is about a former CIA agent who writes memoirs after being fired. Perhaps Clooney forgot this weekend that he wasn’t playing Evil Knievel.

meryl.jpgAlso according to the release, Westchester “soon” will host Oscar winners Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman for the big-screen adaptation of “Doubt,” the Tony Award-winning play. Streep plays a Catholic school principal who accuses Hoffman’s character, a priest, of pedophilia in 1964. “Numerous locations will be used,” but the county does not specify which.

glenn-close.jpgBedford resident Glenn Close, a five-time Academy Award nominee, didn’t have to travel far to film parts of her new TV series, “Damages,” in a featured Harrison house and, earlier this month, in the Rye Town Hilton.

quinn-margulies.jpgSuburbarazzi already gave you the scoop about Spring Valley native Julianna Margulies and Sneden’s Landing resident Aidan Quinn teaming up for “Canterbury’s Law,” but what you might not know is that the courtroom drama was shooting scenes at Larkin Plaza in Yonkers last week.

After the break, check out news about more Westchester shoots involving Tim Allen at Westchester County Airport, Julie Taymor in Somers and New Rochelle, and “Law & Order: SVU” in Yonkers.

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R.I.P. Marcheline Bertrand

jolie1.jpgAfter a long battle with cancer, Angelina Jolie’s mother, Marcheline Bertrand, died Saturday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, the Associated Press reports. She was 56.

Bertrand, a former actress best known for her roles in Lookin’ to Get Out and The Man Who Loved Women, raised Jolie and her brother James Haven after divorcing from actor Jon Voight in 1978. Three years later, Bertrand purchased a home at 182 Woods Road in Sneden’s Landing, a few miles from where Jolie attended elementary school in Orangeburg.

According to a statement released by the family, Jolie, Haven, and Jolie’s boyfriend Brad Pitt were with Bertrand when she passed away. A private funeral is planned and the family is asking that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the Women’s Cancer Research Institute at Cedars-Sinai.

(L-R: Marcheline Bertrand, Angelina Jolie, and Jaqueline Bisset in 2001. Photograph courtesy of the Associated Press/Kevork Djansezian)

And the nominees for best performance at the Golden Globes are…

Warren Beatty, who gave a five-minute acceptance speech for his lifetime achievement award that ended with a straight-faced praise of brevity.

The producers of the show, who gave some big-named actors more than two minutes to ramble on, but gave every producer/director/writer (i.e. the nobodies) only 30 seconds before the music came up.

tjndc5-5d3l3xucsr9a41uz335_layout.jpgAmerica Ferrera, for being forced into the most awkward interview of the night. After a beautiful acceptance speech she was ushered off stage for a one-on-one with Maria Menounos, who apparently didn’t see the slightly diminutive actress standing right next to her. After a painfully slow twenty seconds, Ferrera, rightfully confused, jutted off camera, until her handlers returned her so that Menounos could ask this wonderful question: “What do you say to all those people who did not want you to play the part?� It was a proud moment in journalism!

tjndc5-5d3lw23p3gpkhi70335_layout.jpgSacha Baron Cohen, the comedian of many faces, who put on a fake English accent who spoke in his natural English accent to accept the award for best actor in a Comedy. He thanked his co-star, Ken Davitian, with whom he had a naked wrestling scene. “When I was in that scene, and I stared down and saw your two wrinkled Golden Globes on my chin, I thought to myself, I’d better win a bloody award for this.�

tjndc5-5d3ifp739mr19snnz335_layout.jpgVanessa Williams, or rather her hair. The Chappaqua resident and co-star of Ugly Betty actually managed to get through presenting an award with Tim Allen—with her dignity—even after he looked her up and down and told her: “If looks were a minute, this would be a long day right here.� Easy does it, Tool Man.

Jeremy Piven and his mother, who were being interviewed by E! before the show. While the actor was in mid-sentence, the channel cut away because down the red-carpet Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were ready to talk to Ryan Seacrest. Could Brangelina really not have waited 5 seconds?

Donald Trump, who sat front and center all night long, but—oddly—was neither nominated for nor presented anything. Isn’t this Rosie-territory?

Every self-congratulating Hollywood actor who actually takes these awards seriously—despite the fact that they’re decided on by three Czechoslovakians and a Dane who hand out prizes to the actresses that are nicest to them at press junkets.

And the winner is—Hollywood! A town where drooling over oneself is not just a hobby, it’s a way of life.


(Fererra and Baron Cohen: AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian; Williams: AP Photo/Chris Pizzello; Trump, Tina Fey, Melania Trump, and Alec Baldwin: AP Photo/Matt Sayles)

Brangelina is making YOU look bad — again

tjndc5-5csull51qp5ccrm55od_layout.jpgHow did you spend your Christmas? Were you imbibing in Star Magazine’s year-in-review issue and studiously monitoring shipments of the Nintendo Wii on iTrackr, like me? If so, then congrats, you’re now officially less of a humanitarian than Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Unlike selfish, superficial jerks like us, they spent Christmas Day hosting Colombian refugee families in Costa Rica. Jolie summed up her reasons for the trip to People Magazine:


“The conflict in Colombia is the greatest humanitarian tragedy in the Western Hemisphere, but it receives very little international attention … My Christmas message to Colombian refugees and to the millions of displaced people in Colombia is that the world has not totally forgotten them.”</div></blockquote>

tjndc5-5csun141n36xoes05od_layout.jpgOK, I already knew that Jolie, a Sneden’s Landing native, is a goodwill ambassador for the UN High Commission for Refugees and has always been giving of her holidays. But I always kind of assumed that those Thanksgiving trips to Pakistan (2005) and Cambodia (2006) were essentially just excuses to scout for new siblings for Maddox, Zahara, and Shiloh. Not this time, though.

No adoptions are in the works, the Colombian compassion was genuine, and, well — if I still insist on feeling superior to Brangelina (which I do), I’ll have to confine myself joking about her many lower-back tattoos.

(AP Photos/UNHCR/Boris Heger)