Instead of Jolie, Catwoman will be played by Cher?

I need a hug today after reading this sad news.

Cher is reportedly in talks to play Catwoman in the next Batman flick, instead of Angelina Jolie.tjndc5-5bhxl1k5adtucr3v6jw_original1.jpg

Oh I bet Cher is happy. She’d prolly go up to Angelina Jolie and say “Warner Bros. don’t need you anymooooooooore”

Apparently Cher is Christian Bale’s first choice to play Catwoman. What?!?!?!? Ok, I think Christian Bale’s sister needs to punch him in the face for that one.

(that joke is even funnier when placed in context).

(AP Photo/Brennan Linsley)

Roseanne Disses Brangelina and Jon Voight

Comic Roseanne Barr unleashed a storm on her blog against Yonkers born Jon Voight and his estranged daughter Angelina Jolie.

roseanne-barr.jpgAs you recall, Jon Voight wrote a harsh critique of Barack Obama, saying the country would move in a socialist direction if he got elected. Well, Roseanne fired back on her blog:

“Jon Voight is a frightened little girl in a pink ballet tutu, who acts like Obama just wandered in from the rain forest with a bone thru his nose and a communist pamphlet in his loincloth,” she said.

Ok, that was pretty funny.

But then, Roseanne goes after Angelina Jolie, a former Sneden’s Landing resident.tjndc5-5b50nin8875a1s6m7p4_original.jpg

“Your evil spawn Angelina Jolie and her vacuous hubby Brad Pitt make about $40 million a year in violent, psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children, trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more,” she said.


Oh heyyyel naw. Don’t make me do my ghetto girl finger snapping at you Roseanne. Or cuss you out in Hindi/Farsi/Arabic.

(Roseanne Barr: AP Photo)

(Jon Voight: AP Photo/Louis Lanzano)

(Angelina Jolie: AP Photo/Brennan Linsley)

Angelina Jolie turns to porn star for help on Catwoman role

Now that the Batman movies are blazing hot in Hollywood these days, speculation has been very heavy on Angelina Jolie landing the role of Catwoman if director Christopher Nolan decides to include the feline nemesis in the next Batman film.tjndc5-5ct3ppdtoqwtoomg69i_original.jpg

Page Six reports that porn star Tera Patrick (whom I have no idea who she is because I am a good little Muslim boy) is encouraging Jolie to pursue the role. Apparently the two are really good friends.

UPDATE: I was doing a Google search for pictures of Tera Patrick to post on this blog, and let’s just say it was really awkward for me to explain what I was doing to one of my co-workers as she walked past my desk.

(AP Photo/ABC, Ida Mae Astute)

The Brangelina Drawing Saga Continues!

So I was reading an Associated Press article saying that former Sneden’s Landing resident Angelina Jolie is using the $14 million she got from her newborn baby pics to set up an international children’s fund.

Which gave me an idea. As you know, we here at Suburbarazzi are hawking EXCLUSIVE drawings of Brangelina’s twins and to help motivate you guys to bid, I’ve decided to recruit my charity celebrity friends. Ok fine, I don’t know any of these people, but I’m pretty awesome at using Microsoft Paint.




(Alan Sader: AP Photo)

(Sally Struthers: AP Photo/Lee Celano)

(DMX: AP Photo/ Louis Lanzano)

Pics of Brangelina babies go for $14 million

People magazine spent $14 million to get pics of Angelina Jolie’s newborn twins. Holy Shiite!

That’s 14 million junior bacon cheeseburgers! Considering the grim economic times for the news business, that definitely isn’t chump change. I’m heartbroken they didn’t consider my sketches of the babies, which would have been a bargain for People mag at $1 million:


Look how cute they are. I think Knox has Brad Pitt’s eyes.

Well, these pics are still up for grabs. Tiger Beat magazine, now is the time to step up to the plate and throw down some cash.

Podcast: July 23

On the show this week: A former director and a stranded motorist — both from Larchmont — praise the late Heath Ledger, and a David Lee Roth impostor fools Canadian cops.

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At the end of the video and after the break is the answer to this week’s quiz: The twins of Brad Pitt and former Sneden’s Landing resident Angelina Jolie were born earlier this month in what country?

A. France
B. Namibia
C. Spain
D. United States
Continue reading

EXCLUSIVE: Sketches of Angelina Jolie’s newborn twins!

The Associated Press reported that the first photos of Angelina Jolie’s newborn twins could be worth between $10-20 million!

The photographs may not have been leaked yet, but I got my hands on the first sketches of what the newborns Knox and Vivienne look like.


Now you might be saying “Aman, this photo looks like something you drew on Microsoft Paint as you were waiting for the Domino’s Pizza guy to bring you a scrumptious deep dish pizza to your apartment.” That’s one way to look at it, but I don’t see any other sketches of Angelina’s babies out there, do you?

People magazine, I shall start the bidding on my photos at $1 million. Now that’s a deal.

Brangelina twins born, anticlimax ensues

Big secret: I’m not big on celebrity baby news.

brangelina.jpgI know, I know. What kind of Suburbarazzo am I? Oh, that’s right. A single dude without kids. So, there’s that.

But before you complain about my indifference, consider all the hype leading up to the birth of twins in France by former Sneden’s Landing resident Angelina Jolie and boyfriend Brad Pitt. Yes, the parents are beautiful people, if you consider special editions of People magazine, charitable causes and overall hotness. But one might’ve thought that with yesterday’s arrivals of Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt, a boy, and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt, a girl, would come with an end to worldwide war, pestilence and famine. (No one ever mentions pestilence anymore. And that’s a shame.)

twins.jpgSo when the mayor of Nice emerged next to Jolie’s obstetrician to hoist Knox’s birth certificate into the air as if it were the panacea for AIDS, cancer, malaria and the common cold combined, forgive me if I forgot to cover my mouth when I yawned.

At least this time, compared to Entertainment Tonight’s supposed “exclusive” six weeks ago, yesterday’s report appears to be true.

But while paraparazzi trip over themselves to try to land the coveted exclusive baby photos, let’s just remind ourselves that — with the rare exception depicted on “Seinfeld” — all babies are really cute, so it’s really no big deal.

Yes, I’m bitter I can’t take the first photos of the twins and hock them for millions. What was your first clue?

(AP Photo of Brangelina/Matt Sayles; AP Photo of birth certificate/Claude Paris)

‘Entertainment Tonight’ kinda-sorta stands behind claim that Brangelina birthed twins

Whenever there’s a dispute involving “Entertainment Tonight,” I’m always secretly hoping that John Tesh and Mary Hart will lead us to resolution and that Leonard Maltin’s review of said events will be graded on a 1-to-10 scale. (And yes, I’m aware I’m dating myself.)

brangelina.jpg“ET” is in the midst of a snippy dispute involving the pregnancy of former Sneden’s Landing resident Angelina Jolie and her beau, Brad Pitt. Citing supposed sources from a delivery room in France, the show reported Friday that Brangelina gave birth to twin girls named Isla Marcheline Jolie-Pitt and Amelie Jane Jolie-Pitt.

That’s a great story, but Pitt’s manager is denying the report and there’s a claim that “someone might be posing as Jolie’s personal assistant to fool reporters,” according to the Associated Press.

If you’re waiting for a retraction, join the club. The executive producer for the show said yesterday she wanted to “see how this story plays out” before renouncing the report. Uh… ok.

For the sake of argument, let’s pretend that the babies were indeed born last week. Why on earth would Pitt’s people say it didn’t happen? Because the couple would suddenly be swarmed by paparazzi? This just in: That’s kind of already happening.

Something tells me that whenever the births take place, “Entertainment Tonight” is going to run a segment called “See? Told you so!” Even if the babies arrive in August.

(AP Photo/Matt Sayles)

With former rival Howard Stern, Rosie O’Donnell talks career, love life and 9/11

Shock-jock Howard Stern, in part known for participating in celebrity feuds with personalities ranging from Elaine Boosler to Kathie Lee Gifford, continued his recent fence-mending trend this morning.

howard.jpgFollowing a volatile two-decade feud with Bedford resident Chevy Chase, the two buried the hatchet on-air last year. And this morning, Stern fans — possibly for the first time on the radio — heard the deejay who launched his pro career in Briarcliff Manor chatting it up with South Nyack resident Rosie O’Donnell.

Back in its hey-day, the throwdown got downright nasty, at times making O’Donnell’s feud with Westchester real estate maven Donald Trump look like rock-paper-scissors by comparison. On Stern’s show in 1998, the staff once estimated the size of O’Donnell’s noggin, filled what was deemed a comparable container with jellybeans and challenged visiting celebrities and listeners to guess the number. And O’Donnell always had some choice words about Stern whenever his more militant fans prank-called her self-titled talk show.

rosie.jpgIn recent years, however, Stern’s rants about Rosie subsided, particularly after he admitted on the air a year or two ago that they had a nice chat when bumping into each other at a restaurant.

Today, O’Donnell called from her home — presumably in South Nyack — to chat it up with Howard and the gang. The gripping interview, which lasted almost an hour, covered her career, her love life and her controversial theory about 9/11.

On quitting her own talk show: “I left because I could no longer enjoy it the way one should enjoy their work, and I was sort of paying someone else to raise my kids and (hated) not having time to live my life.”

On ‘The View’: O’Donnell said she respects her successor, Whoopi Goldberg, because of her ability to be real; remains friendly with Sarah Lawrence College grad Barbara Walters; but was never completely embraced by Joy Behar (for whom O’Donnell opened early in her career as a stand-up comedian). The liberal O’Donnell said she has only exchanged a few baby-related e-mails with conservative “View” cohost Elisabeth Hasselbeck since O’Donnell left the show. Then O’Donnell admitted that Hasselbeck was the most attractive woman on the show.

On her celebrity crushes: O’Donnell, a lesbian, said she really did have a crush on Tom Cruise and revealed that Matthew McConaughey also turned her on while slow-talking his way through a description on how to make beer-can chicken. She said her current celebrity crushes include Angelina Jolie, Angela Bassett, Penélope Cruz, Salma Hayek and Diane Lane. Not on that list, however, is Stern’s fiancée, Beth Ostrosky, whom O’Donnell complimented and described as a “too perfect … Barbie doll.”

On her love life: She said she was sexually abused as a child, lost her virginity when she was 21 to a man, and could count her number of sexual conquests on “two hands.” She added that rumors of a wild life as a single woman had been greatly exaggerated, adding, “I’m not even nude in the shower.”

After the break, find out O’Donnell’s take on Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, her current tour and her curiosity about the Twin Towers’ collapse. Continue reading

Ang Lee adopted by Brangelina

Not quite sure what Adar Eisenbruch was going for in his piece for the Johns Hopkins News Ledger — a kind of “Shouts and Murmurs” riff, presumably. Whatever it is, I like it.

And since there aren’t nearly enough reasons to write about low-key Larchmont resident Ang Lee, I figured I’d point y’all to this.

One little excerpt:

Asked how the 53-year-old Lee would fit into their family, Jolie acknowledged that he was “a bit” older than the other children she and Pitt have adopted but explained that they “were looking for a different sort of parenting challenge.” She further stated that the couple hopes that “Anggie” would be a “good big brother, a role model” to their other children, named Maddox, Pax, Zahara and Shiloh.

“Brad, Angelina adopt Ang Lee” [JHNL]

Oscars, Suburbarazzi-style: Local nominees and recent winners

oscar2.jpgThis Friday at 7:30 p.m. EST, Ted Mann and I will join TV reporter Karen DePodwin for a live RNN segment about Sunday’s Academy Awards. I’ll be wearing my tux for only the third time since my senior year in college, so the comedic value of that alone might be worth the tune-in. Here’s a preview of one of the topics slated for discussion.

Stars with a connection to the Lower Hudson Valley have done very well for themselves at the Oscars over the years, and 2008 is no exception.

Eight-time Oscar-winner Alan Menken, a New Rochelle native and North Salem resident, has been nominated three times for his songs from the Disney movie “Enchanted.” He took home his first two trophies for Best Song and Best Score for “The Little Mermaid,â€? and his most recent ones were in the same categories for songs from “Pocahontas.â€? In total, he’s been nominated for a whopping 18 Oscars, but hasn’t won one since 1996.

First-time nominee and sentimental favorite Ruby Dee, a New Rochelle resident, is nominated for Best Supporting Actress for her part in “American Gangster,” starring Mount Vernon native Denzel Washington and former Nyack dweller Russell Crowe — both of whom are Oscar-winners themselves.

LoHud also has at least two representatives in the Best Documentary/Short Subject category, including Ossining High School alumnus Francisco Bello (for “Salim Baba”) and former Croton-on-Hudson resident Cynthia Wade (for “Freeheld”).

After the break, check out a list of some other prominent current and former residents of the Lower Hudson Valley who have won or have been nominated for an Oscar in the last 30 years. Continue reading