The 10 Commandments of Suburban Celebrity Stalking

When we first proposed the idea of a blog devoted to celebrities in the suburbs, we got plenty of blank stares from our colleagues. The response was almost uniformly, “What, all two of them?”

Well, here we are almost two years later and our material has hardly dried up. Hopefully we’ve shown that star sightings in the lower Hudson Vally are are about as common as traffic jams on the Tappan Zee. And Suburbarazzi is just getting warmed up.

Unfortunately, I won’t be one of the few proud souls to carry on the celebrity stalking. I’ve accepted an offer with Gannett’s six New Jersey papers to help grow their websites and develop further digital content (including, yes, blogs). And while I’m incredibly excited about all that’s in store for me in the shiny suburbs to the south, I’m also very sad that I won’t be able to continue shepherding along Suburbarazzi. Along with the three Journal News magazines (InTown Westchester, Rockland Magazine, and Putnam Magazine), this blog has been one of my great passions while living in the Lower Hudson Valley.

Instead of belaboring that point with a bunch of sappy anecdotes, though, I’d like to use this space to provide the two remaining Suburbarazzos — Chris Serico, who has been with us almost since the beginning, and Aman Ali, who joined about a month ago — with some tips to guide them as they navigate the star-infested waters north of NYC.

Herewith, my 10 Commandments:

10. Thou Shalt Not Watch Rosie O’Donnell’s Vlogs. Trust me, they’re more bizzarly addictive than Carrot Top at the Luxor. Watch one on rosie.com and you’re bound to be hooked.

9.  Thou Shalt Not Come Off as Borderline Pervy While Posting About Hayden Panettiere. File this one under: Don’t make the same mistakes I did.

8.  Thou Shalt Not Make Rodent Jokes About Richard Gere’s Bedford Restaurant. After all, he named it Bedford Post, not Squirrely Acres. That said, post jokes are totally fair game.

7. Thou Shalt Not Challenge Kevin Dillon to a Game of Golf. Face it: You’ll lose. Instead, I suggest going head-to-head against Phil Reisman (of the “Mano a Mano with Spano” fame) in a round of minigolf.

6.  Thou Shalt Not Be Blinded by Karen DePodwin’s Smile While Filming the Weekly RNN Segment. Avert your eyes! Stay on topic! Keep it to 1:30!

5. Thou Shalt Make Friends with the Folks at the Pelham Picture House. Just whatever you do, next time Clooney is in town, don’t try blogging from your iPhone. It’ll annoy those around you. Besides, it’s just sad.

4. Thou Shalt Organize a Ultimate Fighting Challenge Cage Match Between Fred Norris and Nick Di Paolo. Why, I’m not entirely sure. But it came to me in a dream.

3.  Thou Shalt Call the Westchester DA the Moment DMX Turns Up in the County Again. With two arrest warrants in Yonkers and White Plains still outstanding, you’d have good reason to rat him out. Plus, the opportunitiy to see this man rapping on our local courthouse steps is simply too good to pass up.

2. Thou Shalt Continue Doodling in Microsoft Paint. Consider my offer of $5 worth of ground beef for any stick-figure illustrations of celebrity babies a standing one. Up it to $10 if we’re talking about twins again.

1. Thou Shalt Not Take the Baldwin Name in Vain. Leave that up to Stephen. He’s got you covered.

Good luck, Suburbarazzos.

And New Jersey celebrities, watch your back!

‘W.’ trailer is a Winner

UPDATE: Turns out there’s a much better reason for us posting the “W.” trailer. Aside from starring Nyack’s Ellen Burstyn (who plays Barbara Bush), a new LoHud connection has emerged. This Thursday, director Oliver Stone will be paying a visit to the Jacob Burns film center to screen “Nixon” and do a Q&A with Janet Maslin. The event begins at 6:30 p.m., and tickets are $15 for members, $20 for nonmembers.

Click here to buy tickets.

As for the “W.” trailer, it’s a doozey! Love the part where James Cromwell, as H.W., tells James Brolin’s boozed up W.:

Who do you think you are, a Kennedy?

You’re a Bush.

Act like one.

Can’t wait for this one to come out. Enjoy.

<br><br>

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Happy Hump Day from Bill Murray

The mid-week doldrums got you down? Enjoy this photo of newly single Bill Murray taken at the Crossroads Guitar Festival.

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Bill, who lives in Sneden’s Landing, was master of ceremonies for the show and wore his ’70s rock-star best for the occasion (boy, is that guitar is a thing of Reading Rainbow beauty).

If this doesn’t manage to impress the ladies, surly parachuting into the 50th annual Chicago Air & Water Show next month will do the trick.

(AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)

Can Johnny Drama lick Phil Mickelson on the links?

Can’t wait until September for the return of “Entourage”?

Newsday has a juicy little tidbit about the upcoming season: golfer Phil Mickelson will be guest starring. This they plucked out of an HBO press release.

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Normally I wouldn’t find an “Entourage” cameo all that noteworthy, but consider: Kevin Dillon, aka Johnny Drama, is longtime golf nut, with a 7.3 handicap, according to Golf Digest (second only to Bill Murray’s 7.2 as the best in the LoHud region). Dillon’s dad, Paul, is also coach of the Fordham golf team. And the family belongs to Winged Food in Mamaroneck, where Mickelson had his infamous U.S. Open meltdown.

So, will these two do battle on the links? Considering that Drama is also prone to blowing his top, which one is more likely to come apart on the green?

Expect to find out on Sept. 7, when the season 5 debuts.

(Dillon: HBO; Mickelson: AP Photo/Denis Poroy)

’24’ + The Bible / ComiCon = Stephen Baldwin’s ‘The Remnant’

Consider this my last Stephen Baldwin post here on Suburbarazzi. (Hey, I heard that collective sigh!)

Comicon, as you may have heard, is THE place to promote any and every sci-fi or action project in the works. Either that or it’s a very clever plot by Gillian Anderson to round up all world’s uber-geeks and dissapear them in plume of purple smoke.

Until that happens, though, movies like the “Star Trek” reboot, the upcoming “Watchmen” comic-book-turned-blockbuster, TV shows like “Heroes” and “Lost,” and even the “Dr. Horrible” webisodes will continue getting the red carpet treatment. Add to that list one Stephen Baldwin, who has co-created a new comic book series, dubbed “The Remnant.”

For your consideration:  A supernatural thriller cartoon in the vein of “24,” with religious undertones.

theremnant-cover.jpg  remn01_01_sm.jpg

Baldwin, who has a home in Upper Grandview, summed it up this way to CBR (Comic Book Resources, to those of you not in the know):

tjndc5-5kyuk8xml1t13dyofm9h_layout.jpg“I wanted to do a comic that asked the big questions but answered them in little ways. Philosophy and spirituality are complex beasts, but I believe literature’s purpose is to contextualize these tricky subjects into entertaining stories that speak, not preach, to the reader.”

Baldwin teamed up with the creator of the TV series “Eureka,” Andrew Cosby, as well as Caleb Monroe, Julian Totino Tedesco, and Paul Azaceta to create the new series.

Now, if only we could convince them to do an reboot of that Illustrated Children’s Bible, with Jack Bauer periodically showing up to interrogate the apostles. That I’d pay to see.

(AP Photo/Eric Jamison)

Susan Sarandon hates sick people and their sickly hospitals

Back in my old NYC hood, a battle is brewing over the proposed expansion of St. Vincent’s Hospital. Some Greenwich Villagers feel that the growth of the facility will have a negative impact on the neighborhood. Two of those people, according to Ecorazzi, are Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon.

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The couple, you may recall, also have a vacation home in Pound Ridge, and are some of the most outspoken environmental activists. While I’m normally on their side (exception: when Robbins is railing against “our pornographic obsession with celebrity culture”), they’ve crossed some kind of line here. Opposing hospitals in any way, shape, or form just feels wrong.

And no, my doctor wife didn’t pay me to say that.

“Sarandon Fights Hospital Expansion” [ecorazzi]

(AP Photo/Nick Ut)

Hans Gruber to take the Pelham Picture House hostage

Karl, schieß auf das fenster.

[puzzled look]

SHOOT the GLASS!

Ahh, I love that movie. I know Alan Rickman has starred in everything from “Harry Potter” to “Galaxy Quest” to “Robin Hood” since, but none of his roles ever made quite such an indellible impression as Hans Gruber in “Die Hard.” (My wife, for the record, strongly objects, and thinks his performance in “Love Actually” is one for the ages.)

Anyway, getting back to the point of this post: Rickman has agreed to come preview his new film, “Bottle Shock,” at the Pelham Picture House on August 5th. Afterward, he’ll do the usual Peter Travers Q&A, along with the the film’s director, Randall Miller, and its producer, J. Todd Harris.

The film centers around the early days of California wine making,  back before Napa was a brand-name for vino. Rickman plays Steve Spurrier, the Brit who more or less helped put the wineries of California on the map when he organized the now infamous, blind Paris wine tasting of 1976, aka “The Judgment of Paris,” in which the U.S. wines outshone those from France.

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Tickets went on sale on Saturday through the Picture House’s website, and are still available. Rickman might not have the megawatt star power as some recent Picture House visitors by the names of Clooney and Cruise, but at $35, the tickets are a relative bargain. And — going out on a limb here — the movie looks a little more entertaining than “Leatherheads.”

Course, it would be all the more so if somehow the screenplay managed to work the following line into the Spurrier character’s dialogue: “Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.”

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EDIT: Ok, I just checked Rickman’s IMDB page and made a heinous omission: “Something the Lord Made,” the HBO film about the doctors who pioneered the first form of heart surgery on blue babies. If you haven’t seen it yet, Netflix that one. Co-stars Mos Def in an equally excellent performance. Still not quite on the level of “Die Hard,” but absolutely deserving of the Emmy it won in 2004.

(Photos: IPW) 

Jimmy Fallon’s new web-based NBC ‘Late Night’ gig — bold or boneheaded?

We don’t talk about Saugerties native Jimmy Fallon much here — that’s really more of a Mid-Hud town, isn’t it? — but this NY Times story, about how Lorne Michaels has decided to debut Jimmy Fallon’s “Late Night” show a year early, caught my eye.

tjndc5-5kbiunxjgfnynpr7n2d_layout.jpgAs you may have already heard, a game of late-night television musical chairs is in the offing for next year, with Jay Leno leaving (possibly to ABC) in order to make room for Conan O’Brien to take over “Tonight,” which opens up Conan’s show for Fallon to take the reins. Still, even though that’s all going to happen in 2009, Michaels, who exec produces “Late Night,” couldn’t quite wait to get Fallon back on the air.

The plan? Create 5- to 10-minute webisodes of Fallon doing various Late Nighty things and post them at 12:30 a.m. daily, in order to give Fallon the rhythm of a nightly show and “more opportunity for experimentation,” said Michaels.

Or, to put a finer point on it, he wants to ensure that Fallon hits his stride around the same time his actual show hits the air, so as to avoid the awkward breaking-in phase — that same period that Conan stumbled in after his show debuted. No word yet about what website the clips will debut on, or when they’ll start going live.

It’s an interesting strategy, and one that I’d have a lot more faith in if we were talking about Andy Samberg or some other proven web juggernaut. As for Fallon, the only clip of his I’ve seen online his “lonelyfallon32,” which, while amusing, ain’t no “Lazy Sunday.”

<object width=”464″ height=”388″ classid=”clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000″><param name=”movie” value=”http://www2.funnyordie.com/public/flash/fodplayer.swf” /><param name=”flashvars” value=”key=5001″ /><param name=”allowfullscreen” value=”true” /><embed width=”464″ height=”388″ flashvars=”key=5001″ allowfullscreen=”true” quality=”high” src=”http://www2.funnyordie.com/public/flash/fodplayer.swf” type=”application/x-shockwave-flash”></embed></object><noscript>See <a href=”http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5001″>lonelyfallon32</a> and more <a href=”http://www.funnyordie.com”>funny videos</a> on <a href=”http://www.funnyordie.com”>FunnyOrDie.com</a></noscript><div style=”text-align:center;width:464px;”>See more <a href=”http://www.funnyordie.com”>funny videos</a> at Funny or Die</div>

(AP Photo/Evan Agostini)

A marriage made in ‘Heroes’ heaven?

Shhh, shhh, don’t anybody tell Palisades native Hayden Panettiere, but her “Heroes” beau, Milo Ventimilgia, is reportedly out shopping for a ring. According to InTouch Weekly (not to be confused with the distinctly more highbrow and restaurant-review packed InTown Monthly), the 31-year-old actor’s “pal” said:

Milo was looking at rings in late June. He really likes Cartier and intends to spend around $200,000.

Stop the presses. Does Venti know that “Heroes” is, oh, one more bad season away from getting the ol’ heave ho?

Lest he’s enlisting the time-stopping skills of Hiro to go steal his $200k rock, I’d try and scale back a bit. Oh, and maybe also hold off on the proposal until Hayden is at least 20 years old.

(Photo: NBC Universal)

Bob Woodruff back in the anchor’s seat

Two years after suffering a near-fatal bomb attack in Iraq, Rye resident Bob Woodruff is anchoring the news once again. Only now it’s not ABC’s “World News Tonight,” but instead a new series on Planet Green called “Focus Earth.” The show is still produced by ABC, and features many of the network’s usual suspects (George Stephanopoulos, for example), but it’s one of the first chances that we’ve had to see Woodruff shine on television since his tank in Iraq hit that IED.

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The first episode of “Focus Earth” aired last Saturday, and while I missed it, I hear it was pretty decent, for tree huggers and tree ho-hummers alike. Woodruff went to the Northeastern corner of Montana to see how the American prarie is under siege by developers and agriculture. In particular, he profiled the American Prairie Foundation, which is buying up land to create a 3-million-acre reserve for bison and other native wildlife. [recap here]

No word yet on what episode 2 has in store, but be sure to set your TiVos for this Saturday, 6 p.m., to find out.

Podcast: July 16

A special trouble-with-the-law edition of Suburbarazzi this week: Herbert Hill’s Mount Kisco DUI, DMX’s latest arrest in Miami, and Bill Murray’s divorce settlement.

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Also, this week was our final Suburbarazzi segement with RNN’s Stacy-Ann Gooden. I wanted to give her a big hug and throw together a Best of Stacy-Ann reel, but since her departure wasn’t quite official when we taped the piece, we couldn’t put any of that in there. But as my Chris so eloquently put it in his post yesterday, working with Stacy-Ann has been one of the great joys of our jobs for the last year. Every Tuesday afternoon was a little brighter because of her.

Plus, I’m happy to report, after a string of recent, uncharacteristic wrong answers, Stacy-Ann got her final Suburbarazzi quiz correct!

Can you get this multiple-choice question right, too?

Which Lower Hudson Valley celebrity told Fox News that they’d move to Canada if Barack Obama was elected president?

A. Rip Torn
B. Bonnie Fuller
C. Donald Trump
D. Stephen Baldwin

Answer after the break and at the end of the video clip.

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Fox TV owns Jason Bateman … or is it, Jason Bateman owns Fox?

Given the skyrocketing trajectory of Rye native Jason Bateman’s career of late, it can’t be too long til he starts charging millions for photos of his babies, too.

The latest update, via Variety, is that 20th Century Fox has signed a deal with the actor-cum-mogul to develop TV series (as in series, plural). Bateman, you may recall, was already tapped to direct the pilot for “Do Not Disturb,” a new fall series. He’s also been on a role lately with roles in “Hancock,” the upcoming Ricky Gervais comedy “This Side of the Truth,” and the Russell Crowe flick “State of Play.”

So, what will be the first new project Bateman brings to the table under his new deal? Call me crazy, but I seem to recall a certain affection he has for one of his past TV series, and a lingering desire to turn that series into a feature movie. And no, I’m not talking about “The Hogan Family.”

Meanwhile, sis Justine, when she isn’t out shilling for SAG, is also branching out beyond acting. She’s been writing scripts for Disney’s “Wizards of Waverly Place.” I’m not exactly sold on the Daily News’s classification of the show as “red hot,” but I will say this: It’s high time we finaly got a sanitized, family-friendly version of “Charmed.” That Alyssa Milano was showing waaay too much cleavage.

(Jason: AP Photo/Reed Saxon; Justine: ABC Photo / Danny Feld)