Suburbarazzi

Brangelina twins born, anticlimax ensues

July

Big secret: I’m not big on celebrity baby news.

I know, I know. What kind of Suburbarazzo am I? Oh, that’s right. A single dude without kids. So, there’s that.

But before you complain about my indifference, consider all the hype leading up to the birth of twins in France by former Sneden’s Landing resident Angelina Jolie and boyfriend Brad Pitt. Yes, the parents are beautiful people, if you consider special editions of People magazine, charitable causes and overall hotness. But one might’ve thought that with yesterday’s arrivals of Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt, a boy, and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt, a girl, would come with an end to worldwide war, pestilence and famine. (No one ever mentions pestilence anymore. And that’s a shame.)

So when the mayor of Nice emerged next to Jolie’s obstetrician to hoist Knox’s birth certificate into the air as if it were the panacea for AIDS, cancer, malaria and the common cold combined, forgive me if I forgot to cover my mouth when I yawned.

At least this time, compared to Entertainment Tonight’s supposed “exclusive” six weeks ago, yesterday’s report appears to be true.

But while paraparazzi trip over themselves to try to land the coveted exclusive baby photos, let’s just remind ourselves that—with the rare exception depicted on “Seinfeld”—all babies are really cute, so it’s really no big deal.

Yes, I’m bitter I can’t take the first photos of the twins and hock them for millions. What was your first clue?

(AP Photo of Brangelina/Matt Sayles; AP Photo of birth certificate/Claude Paris)

This entry was posted on Monday, July 14th, 2008 at 3:16 pm by Chris Serico.
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2 Responses to “Brangelina twins born, anticlimax ensues”

Brian Howard July 14th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
I wholeheartedly agree, particularly with the part about pestilence. Why leave it out?

Also, wouldn't it be something to have a title like the Mayor of Nice? That's like being the Congressman of Cool, the Alderman of Awesome or the Senator of Swing.

Furthermore, celebrity babies zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
media boy August 5th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
So Brangelina finally cashed in on their gossip empire… and they're going to give the proceeds away too? smart move

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