10. Jay Leno turned them down.
9. Letterman was first in school history to major in competitive pie-eating.
8. Paul Shaffer threatened to lurk over school grounds as a movie monster if they didn’t.
7. Indiana rats agreed to celebrate in New York City’s subways.
6. The home-office in Sioux City, Iowa was getting all the groupies.
5. It’s Alan Kalter-iffic!
4. The building is made entirely out of canned ham.
3. Dave’s mom bribed school officials with holiday pies.
2. Dave agreed never to reveal his real reason for picking the school: It had the word “Ball” in it.
And the No. 1 Reason Ball State is Naming a Building after David Letterman…
1. What, you thought all his speeding ticket fines funded something else?
[Cue Paul Shaffer’s CBS Orchestra’s instrumental version of Starship’s “We Built This City.”]
*Of course, there’s no truth to any of these reasons why Ball State is actually doing this in honor of the North Salem resident.
Except maybe for No. 7. All those rats can’t possibly be native to New York City. Most of them have to be seasonal tourists. “Haaaaaaaaa!”
Hacky blogger’s note: No. 5 is a tribute to “Kuralt-a-riffic,” featured as No. 5 on the “Top Ten Reasons to Watch CBS This Fall,” originally broadcast on Aug. 21, 1995. Yes, I actually remember WATCHING that episode.
(Associated Press file photo by Adam Rountree.)