An Open Letter to DMX
-
- February
- 14
Dear Earl,
Please, please, please don’t forget show up for your court date today.
It goes without saying that your Feb. 2 arrest, for running a red light in Yonkers, was probably bogus—I mean, come on, we all know that after a certain hour there’s no such thing as “red lights,” just brightly lit yield signals. But you can’t make this argument if you’re at home in Mt. Kisco, loafing around in bed, dreaming up your next line of canine clothes.
And you shouldn’t need to be reminded that being a no-show means spending a night in White Plains jail. Again.
Yes, it was funny the first time that happened, in June 2006. And yes, you earned your “Nuttiest Road Warriorâ€? in Westchester title—by brandishing a billy club when people take your parking spots, driving 104 on 684, and impersonating a federal officer, amongst other charges—and made it clear that your fellow motorists best back off.
But it’s time to leave such shenanigans to the younger generation. Let Styles P and Jadakiss carry the torch.
You just get to court on time, plead your case, and, if all else fails, sic those bulldogs on the judge and hightail it back to Arizona.
Your friends,
—Suburbarazzi
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007 at 9:55 am by Ted Mann.
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