Does this man deserve $4 million a year?

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Keith Olbermann, is about to become MSNBC’s ‘Worst Person in the World,’ if news accounts of his contract negotiations turn out to be true. The anchor of Countdown (and a former Hastings resident) is said to be eyeing a pay hike of about $3 million from his current salary (which people in the know peg at about $1 million).

Countdown is just about the only show on the meager network’s slate that could be considered to be “doing well.” The show has helped the network’s ratings climb 25 percent in the key 25-54 demo so far this year. But with NBC demanding $750 million worth of budget cuts throughout the company, will MSNBC really be willing to give away an extra $3 million a year for the frequently-caustic talker. Olbermann’s contract is up in April. According J. Max Robins at Broadcasting and Cable, it’s likely CNN will make a play for him. It’s also unlikely the fast-talking anchor will look to jump ship. He’s happy at MSNBC, which gives him carte blanche to say what he wants.

Suburbarazzi Stocking Stuffer: “The Devil Wears Prada” DVD

Devil Wears PradaNot only did Stanley Tucci with our best-baldie sidebar poll (with 61 percent of the vote), he also starred in one of the year’s most thoroughly entertaining movies, “The Devil Wears Prada.”

Here are three reasons why we prefer the “Prada” Tucci to the the one in the ill-fated TV show “3 Lbs.”:

1. He looks much more natural in an ascot than in his undershorts. No TV-watching constituency would dare find him sexy — except, perhaps, his North Salem neighbors and the Michael Chertoff fan club.

2. Occupational oxymorons are essential. Both “Prada” and “Ugly Betty” work because they’ve got funny-looking fashonistas. Likewise, “Grey’s Anatomy” rocks because it puts hotty nymphos in nerd central, a hospital, not actual nerd neurosurgeons like “3 Lbs.”

3. Tucci’s sass works in comedy, but not dramas. We know he gravitates to the serious stuff when directing (e.g. “Joe Gould’s Secret”), but we much prefer laughing at his snobby, elitist routine. In fact, one of the best things about the “Prada” DVD is a bonus gag reel with Tucci’s hilarious ad-libbing. If Sacha Baron Cohen is looking for someone to fill another Azamat-type role in “Bruno,” his follow-up to “Borat,” consider this the first vote for Stanley.

Why does Martha Stewart insist on making it difficult for us to hate her?

stewart.jpgFirst, she donates $1 million to Northern Westchester Hospital and now this: The New York Post reports that Stewart participated in the “Wig Project� by Brooklyn-based artists Ken Solomon. Stewart will join over 5,000 other people posing for photos wearing the same black wig. When even The Post starts calling her a “good sport� you know there’s something to it.

Martha, you’re making our jobs harder by not conforming to your cold-as-ice-reputation. You’re going to need to either start killing a few puppies…or smiling more.

Bernie Williams redefines ‘home run’

Take a curtain call, Bernie!

While outfielder/classical guitarist Bernie Williams and the New York Yankees this weekend continued mulling the possibility of reuniting in 2007, The Journal News’ Len Maniace reported about the Armonk resident’s five years of volunteer contributions to Hillside Food Outreach.

The charity operates out of a White Plains warehouse and delivers food to needy families and individuals throughout Westchester County. In the Dec. 17 article, Williams discusses a memorable early morning food delivery:

<blockquote><div>The woman got very excited and woke everyone in the house and the kids got excited. It was like a little party. It was funny to see, but I could see how we were able to bring a smile to their faces, in spite of their harsh situation.

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Bernie Baseball also helps with Hillside’s fundraising efforts, whose annual marquis event has attracted fellow Yankees, including manager Joe Torre, who resides in both Harrison and Mahopac, and relief pitcher Mariano Rivera, who lives in Purchase and owns a New Rochelle steak house.

In honor of Bernie’s generosity, Suburbarazzi adds his name to our poll for best bald look. Piermont resident William Hurt, in dead last place, is about to have another reason to be Hurt.

Trump promotes his caddy to Carolyn’s old job

(Karl Rabe / The Poughkeepsie Journal)

It’s one thing to get the ol’ “You’re Fired!” routine. Then having your sidekick stint on “The Apprentice” given to the boss’s daughter has got to be tough. But getting replaced in your job by one of your former caddies—that’s just cruel.

As our sister publication to the north, The Poughkeepsie Journal, reported, Trump has promoted 30-year-old, Yorktown Heights native Dan Scavino to the position of General Manager of Trump National, the post once held Carolyn Kepcher. As a caddy and bag-room attendant at the Briarcliff Manor golf club, Scavino got in good with The Donald, who said in a press release, “Everybody loves him. He practically grew up there and he’s going to be a star.”

Scavino apparently also rubbed elbows with Joe Torre, Rudy Giuliani, and Bill Clinton on the links. Ah, yet another reminder of what a horrible, life-ruining mistake I made by passing on that caddy gig in 1993 and taking a job at Brooks Brothers instead. Wish I could take a mulligan on that one.

Photo by Karl Rabe / The Poughkeepsie Journal

Bye Bye Britney, Hello Hayden

Hayden PanettiereIt’s rare that we take anything from Star Magazine seriously, but in the case of Hayden Panettiere gossip, we’ll make an exception. The rag reports that the 17-year-old “Heroes” star and Palisades native was seen out on the town with music producer Jonathan “J.R.” Rotem. That alone probably wouldn’t be noteworthy — Rotem is helping Panettiere to put together her first album — but the 31-year-old also happens to be Britney Spears’ rebound man, the happy recipient of her first post-Federline kiss.

So, the natural question any paparazzi would ask is, why are Hayden and J.R. holding hands? Is she stealing Brit’s beau? Give extra credit to Rotem for spinning the scene and using it to promote forthcoming albums from both Hayden and Ashley Tisdale, his other piece of arm-candy. But dock Panettiere for following in Brit’s skeezy footsteps for the second week in a row.

Suburbarazzi Stocking Stuffer: An autographed copy of “It Takes a Village”

It Takes a VillageJust what your spouse always wanted: a moldy, 10-year-old, child-rearing manual from Hillary Clinton’s backlist.

And as if that wasn’t sexy enough, she’ll be appearing at the White Plains Borders next Wednesday at 7 p.m. to dust off and sign copies of the book (thanks to our sister blog Politics on the Hudson for that tip).

To promote the reissue of “It Takes a Village,” Hil is also spreading a Lower Hudson love this week. She’s scheduled to appear with Irvington’s Meredith Vieira on “The Today Show” on Monday, and then will swing by “The View” on Wednesday to hear Rosie’s lastest racially insensitive tirade.

Whatever the super-sized South Nyacker says to the would-be POTUS, it’s sure to grab headlines (just like everything else she’s said in the last month) Maybe a little Obama-bashing outburst? Or perhaps an attack on Hil’s Chappaqua neighbor, Vanessa “Wilhemina” Williams? Please, please, let it be an early Christmas.

Support Your Neighbors … at the Movies

Our weekly look at new releases starring Lower Hudson Valley celebs.

• “The Secret Life of Words” stars Bedford resident Tim Robbins as a burn victim who has gone temporarily gone blind due to corneal damage. Sarah Polley, playing a factory worker on holiday, volunteers to be his nurse because — well, Susan Sarandon was too busy. (Metacritic score: 62)

• “Once in a Lifetime: The Extraordinary Story of the New York Cosmos,” narrated by Mamaroneck native Matt Dillon, is a documentary about Pele’s soccer team, the Cosmos — or, as their competitors called them, the Lucky Punks. (No Metacritic score)

• “Charlotte’s Web,” the classic children’s book by E.B. White, is being released as a feature film with Dakota Fanning and animal voice-overs from about half of Hollywood. Yet somehow, not a single celeb from Westchester, Rockland, or Putnam was asked to participate. Luckily, we still have the E.B. White connection — he used to summer in Sneden’s Landing — so we’re still happy to include it on our list. (Metacritic score: 68)

How to decipher Angelina Jolie’s many tramp stamps

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Nothing sends our Suburbarazzi antenna twitching quite like photos of Angelina Jolie at the premiere of “The Good Shepherd.” Do we post about how scenes from the CIA flick, directed by Bobby DeNiro, were shot in Tarrytown (at the Music Hall and The Set Back Inn)? Do we revisit Jolie’s recent bodyguard troubles while in India, shooting a movie with Larchmont’s Dan Futterman? Do we shamelessly plug our own Rockland Magazine story, in which we pinpointed exactly where Jolie grew up in Sneden’s Landing?

tjndc5-5clkkkp7dpiqn4krbup_layout.jpgOr — wait, what the heck is up with those tattoos?

At the premiere, Jolie wore an extremely low-cut crystal-studded black dress that revealed a good chunk of her tattoo collection (all 12 of them). Only problem, we couldn’t make out what a single piece of her body art said. Luckily, the good folks at The Vanishing Tattoo have done all the heavy lifting for us, posting photos galore and decoding all of Jolie’s tattoos, past and present.

Among our favorites are the coordinates on her left arm (covering up an old “Billy Bob” tattoo), which represent where she adopted Maddox (N11° 33′ 00″ E104° 51′ 00″) and Zahara (N09° 02′ 00″ E038° 45′ 00″); the “h” on her left wrist, for her brother James Haven; and a choice Latin phrase below her navel, “Quod me nutrit me destruit,” which stands for “What nourishes me also destroys me.”

More of Angelina’s tattoos deciphered after the break:

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Phil Reisman’s guide to shopping for our local politicos

Phil ResimanIn case you haven’t picked up the latest issue of InTown Westchester — shameless self-promotion alert! — be sure to check out our list of the best battles of the year (Clinton vs. Wallace, Elmsford vs. Greenburgh, Mickelson vs. himself). My favorite is still Phil Reisman vs. Andy Spano, a battle immortalized in last summer’s “Mano-a-mano with Spano” mini-golf tournament. But even though the county executive handed the columnist a humiliating defeat on the mini-links, Reisman has proven himself to be the bigger man. Witness his holiday gift guide for Spano and all the other Westchester power players — including Spano’s “Vulcan-like deputy, Larry “Bermuda” Schwartz.”

Reisman’s comprehensive list is like one of our “Suburbarazzi Stocking Stuffer” posts on steriods. Some highlights:

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Sue Kelly. For the soon-to-be-former congresswoman from Katonah, a compact disc of the greatest hits from Orleans. The voters have spoken, Sue, but you’re still the one.

Hillary Clinton. Last season’s DVD of “Desperate Housewives” and a video of a long-forgotten Sam Peckinpah film called, “Bring Me the Head of Obama.”

Con Edison. To the executives of the utility of futility who can’t stand up to the rigors of a mighty wind, I give them a warm refrigerator stocked with rotten meat.</div></blockquote>

Spider-Man’s true test: Picking either the redheaded blonde or the blonde redhead

I’ve always ranked Bryce Dallas Howard highly on a scale from 1 to Awesome, due to her solid acting chops, her pretty face and — let’s be honest — her rocktacular red hair.

While reviewing Ted Mann’s recent post about Bry, I realized the irony of the Byram Hills High School alumna’s portrayal of the blonde Gwen Stacy in “Spider-Man 3,” in which the usually flaxen Kirsten Dunst continues her redheaded ways as Mary Jane Watson.

It’s kind of like driving on parkways and parking in driveways. Or something.

Martha Stewart says no to Trump, underwear and her maiden name

On Howard Stern’s radio show this morning, Martha Stewart said she wasn’t about to mend fences with fellow Bedford resident Donald Trump.

Should you decide to invite both to a party, “Don’t sit us next to each other,â€? she told her Sirius colleague, referencing the flap Trump and Stewart had over her spinoff of “The Apprentice.” When asked if she would argue with The Donald in that case, she replied, “I can just turn my back.” Great idea, Martha. Just give him more surface area for a knife plunge.

More highlights from the former Briarcliff Manor deejay’s interview:

• Stewart said she wasn’t wearing a bra or underwear during Howard’s interview. I’m not sure that’s “a good thing.”

• Stewart recalled the dates she went on “years agoâ€? with New York City Mayor/North Salem horse farm owner Michael Bloomberg, and admitted that when she dated Anthony Hopkins she couldn’t get past the Hannibal Lecter character. That’ll ruin a nice Chianti.

• Stewart said she has never dated a black man, but is attracted to rapper Kanye West. Somewhere, Busta Rhymes is jealous.

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