Annoying Lohud…

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Leave it to Star Magazine and its editorial director, Hastings’ Bonnie Fuller, to come up with a year-end list that has no redeeming value to it whatsoever…the 10 Most Annoying People of the year. Representing Lohud were Nyack’s Rosie O’Donnell (#9: “Rosie did a spectacularly offensive imitation of people speaking Chinese and initially refused to apologize, saying it was a joke. Sorry Rosie, I thought jokes were supposed to be funny�) and Verplanck-native Mel Gibson (#4: “What was worse? The anti-Semitic rant Mad Mel unleashed while being arrested for DUI on July 28 or the mea culpa the writer/director gave Diane Sawyer in which he smirked his way through an explanation of his actions?�).

The top three, in case you were wondering:

1. Britney Spears

2. Lindsay Lohan

3. Jessica Simpson

How to Hit Felicity Huffman’s “Secret Hot Spot”

tjndc5-5cfh8mps8y140ur7nzf_layout.jpgIf you’re like me, a trip to Borders and a dozen book returns are in your horoscope today. But wait, before you cash in that store credit on Denzel’s memoir, Hillary’s backlist, or any of other Suburbarazzi Stocking Stuffer suggestions, I’ve got one late addition: Felicity Huffman’s soon-to-be-published “A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend.”

The Bedford-born actress — who makes up one-half of the mega-power-couple that Stephen Colbert christened Filliam H. Muffman — has taken time off from Desperate Housewifedom and Transexuality to pen what sounds like a guide to male emasculation. Or, as the publisher says, the book “lays out the many steps involved in becoming a good boyfriend, while still maintaining guy-dignity.” Riiiight.

But despite the p-whipped premise, there’s another, more admirably, dirty-birdy side to the book. I’m talking about Felicity’s orgasmic description of the “secret hot spot” and how to score a threesome with that hot, slender brunette from her yoga class.

Thankfully, the good people of Gawker got their filthy hands on an advance copy and posted some juicy excerpts — enough to make me pre-order a copy on Amazon and immediately deify William H. Macy.

“Sex Tips from Felicity Huffman” [Gawker]

“More Sex Tips from Felicity Huffman” [Gawker]

Photo: Danny Moloshok/AP

Duel of the Week: CrotonBlog vs. The Journal News

It’s been a slow day for local news, and all of the usual go-to sources appear to be at home, sipping cocoa and vacuuming up pine needles. All, that is, except for Gawker‘s tireless (and hungover) Emily Gould, and the civically-minded folks at CrotonBlog.

In fact, the latter hasn’t let up at all during the holidays, posting its own over-the-top holiday home winner (84 Grand Street), town board meeting news, and the always entertaining police blotter (aww, reports of an injured raccoons are just adorable). But best of all was their Dec. 25 “Nathan Bedford Forrest Awards,” in which CB exhaustively cataloged all of the times it scooped The Journal News.

<blockquote><div>

Whenever Crotonblog printed a news story about Croton, it was inevitably followed a day or two or even later by a similar story in The Journal News without a nod to Crotonblog. An old proverb says, “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.� But imitation is also the sincerest form of unoriginality and a clear indicator of laziness. </div></blockquote>

So, what does a Confederate general have to do with all this? Instead of merely listing all of their original blog posts and the corresponding newspaper stories, CrotonBlog awarded itself 16 “spit” medals — one for each supposed scoop — and they used said general as an honorific due to his punctualness on the battlefield. And perhaps because they love slaves the Ku Klux Klan (see comments).

Note: I am an employee of TJN, though as an editor for InTown Westchester, I remain an impartial observer of the feud. And, for the record, I’ve always credited CrotonBlog in my own posts.

That said, I would like to nominate one article for a reverse Nathan Bedford Forrest award for “scooping” Crotonblog about the authorship debate over “The Night Before Christmas.” Scarsdale Magazine article: published Nov. 29. Crotonblog post: Dec. 24.

Coincidence? We think not.

“Nathan Bedford Forrest Awards Announced” [CrotonBlog]

Just what you always wanted: Inane movie titles, delivered via Google News Alerts!

Three bizarrely titled films, all starring Westchester actors, to look forward to next year:

• Need proof that those wacky Tibetans really do love Richard Gere? We present you with “Richard Gere Is My Hero,” about young Neema’s adulation of the Pound Ridge pretty boy and his quest to be just like Gere — especially the hair. Oh, how the Tibetans love the gray hair. [DailyIndia]

• Because “The Last Samurai” was such a smash hit, Bedford’s Billy Baldwin is starring in “Sakura: Blue-Eyed Samurai,” a Cary Elwes-directed flick that’s currently in production [Cinema Blend]

• Rye native Jason Bateman has agreed to star alongside Charlize Theron and Will Smith in “Tonight, He Comes,” about a down-and-out alcoholic superhero. Feel free to insert your own inappropriate joke about liquor’s deleterious effects on the sympathetic nervous system during sexual intercourse here. [ComingSoon]

Shameless InTown Westchester Plug

Normally I’m pretty strict about which celebrities make the cut on Suburbarazzi — if you haven’t been in People Magazine, US Weekly, or Gawker, you’re dead to me. But hey, it’s the holiday season, and this time of year there are no bigger suburban celebrities than the people who star in the annual over-the-top holiday home competition. (Why MTV hasn’t come launched “Pimp My Holiday House” yet is beyond me?)

So, in a shameless plug for InTown Westchester (make that double-shameless, as it’s my own story), be sure to check out “Holiday Spectaculars,” an attempt to pick the top five outrageously decorated homes in Westchester. Our photog actually needed to shoot all of them a year ago (due to the fact that we closed our December issue back in October, when none of the decorations are set up yet), but most of the houses still look more or less the same this year.

The only exception is the Garabedian House (bottom right), which has undertaken a “Hollywood Red Carpet” theme this year, with literally hundreds of handmade animatronic fiberglass sculptures. Yes, it’s technically over the Pelham border in the Bronx, but the looking at how it has topped our InTown poll, with a whopping 52 percent of readers picking it as their favorite (vote for yourself on the article page), I’m not the only Westchester-ite who has embraced the Garabedians’ gaudiness.

Rosie, Donald, and others may claw at the celebrity spotlight, but these eccentric decorators have truly earned it.

“Holiday Spectaculars” [InTown Westchester]

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Suburbarazzi Stocking Stuffers: Last-minute gift-gasm

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A final round-up of possible presents tied to our Lower Hudson Valley celebs:

“A Hand to Guide Me”: Denzel Washington’s inspirational anthology includes 70 celebrities’ accounts their mentors, including Washington’s own role model at the Mount Vernon Boys and Girls Club. Yeah, it’s pretty much the sexiest memoir alive.

Trump Super Premium Vodka: We’re still waiting for the T&T — Trump and Tonic — to catch on. And that’s why we’re wrapping up a case and sending it to our favorite trendsetter — a certain disgruntled lesbian talk-show host. The gift will seem awfully confusing, but it’s sure to feed the Trump-O’Donnell feud for at least one more week.

“The Book of Daniel: The Complete Series”: The ill-fated NBC show, starring Sneden’s Landing’s Aidan Quinn and filmed in White Plains, may have been canceled after just four episodes, but you can see all eight on this DVD. Nothing says Christmas cheer like a pill-popping Episcopalian priest.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck + The Palisades Center = 5 minutes of painful television

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Yesterday, The View aired a pre-taped segment with Elisabeth Hasselbeck shopping at the Palisades Center in West Nyack to find Christmas gifts for her fellow co-hosts. She checked out the racks at Old Navy, H&M, and Lane Bryant (where she sang a little song that was truly show-stopping—as in, please God, help me find the remote so I can put a stop to this show: “Lane Bryant, Lane Bryant, you’re only a deal away�).

She also sat on the lap of our friend, Santa, who looked about as comfortable as—well, a grown man should look being used as a prop by a strange 30-year-old woman. For the record we didn’t get the joke she was going for either (something about helping her get back to Manhattan in time to give her presents to the other hosts—but it was December 21st, why didn’t she just take the bus?).

Anyway, she managed to get back to the studio in time and the other hosts gave an impromptu fashion show. From now on can we agree that Rockland is Rosie’s territory?

(Photo: Peter Carr / The Journal News)