“Hug Boy” Liiiike you, “Hug Boy” Liiiike sex

Aaron PerezAt first we thought that Aaron Perez — the Putnam Valley 10-year-old who, in a really bizarre sequence of events, told his teacher she was “sexy,” then asked for a hug, then got suspended for being overly affectionate — didn’t have celebrity staying power. Boy, were we wrong.

Soon after the Journal News put the story in its front pages and our buds at Juggling Acts expressed outrage, Perez appeared on the O’Reilly Factor, saying “She looked pretty that day, so I said ‘you really look sexy today.” Right on, brother! Borat would be proud.

Today our blog siblings at The Hall Monitor have declared: “Hug boy now an international celebrity.” Not only do Aaron’s classmates have “Hug Boy” fever, but “Everyone wants a piece of the story, including Spanish-language networks Univision and Telemundo.”

Who are we to shun a media pile-on? And besides, we haven’t had much luck finding celebs in Putnam County. We’ll take who we can get.

So, welcome to the Suburbarazzi, Aaron. We’ve got our eye on you.

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Law & Order: Jeanine Pirro Unit

Jeanine and Al PirroWe’re light on celebrity news today, but our sister blog, Politics on the Hudson, isn’t. They’ve got the goods on an upcoming upcoming episode of Law & Order: SVU about an aspiring female politician whose husband has a shady, checkered past. Sound familiar?

If the inspiration isn’t already obvious, the Pirro-like character, Maureen, illegally wiretaps her husband when she suspects him of cheating on her, and there are also shenanigans with a limo driver. Hmm. The NY Post also reports that the episode will be titled “Albatross” — get it? AL-batross? Oh, they kill us.

Breaking media news: Reader’s Digest sold, one-upping YouTube by a cool billion

Reader's Digest - lowresFirst off, who the heck is Ripplewood Holdings LLC? And why the heck would they pay $2.4 billion to buy up Westchester-based Reader’s Digest? Oh, because R.D.’s Rachel Ray mag is making money hand over fist and in a year’s time has already reached a circ of 1.3 million? Gocha. That’s at least one good reason.

It’s a sad day for magazine publishing in Chappaqua (or Pleasantville, depending on who you ask). Or, as Ray herself might say, Yuck-O.

“Reader’s Digest shares up 8 percent after buyout offer” [TJN]

Oh, and we couldn’t resist sharing this Gawker headline, too:

“Your Grandma’s Favorite Mag Worth $2.4 Billion” [Gawker]

Trumps Don’t Do Diapers!

Donald Trump Jr.

The Donald is about to become a grandad. Buried in this week’s People Mag, between the sexiest of the sexy men, is a story about how Don Jr. and trophy wife #1, Vanessa, are expecting their first child.

A slight complication: the elder Trump, who has a mansion or two in Bedford, just had a baby with wife #3 (or is it 4?) Melania. That means that his 8-month old child will be his grandson’s uncle. Remember that movie “You’ve Got Mail,” where Tom Hank’s uncle was a toddler — yeah, like that.

The best part of the whole story is what Trump Jr. said when asked what kind of father he’d be: “Trumps don’t do diapers.” And as for how big a family he wants, Jr. said his wife wants five youn’uns, but … “I’ll wait till she cranks out one and then I want to renegotiate that back a bit.”

And if that fails, Don, we’ve got a little “Apprentice” catch phrase that might come in handy.

“Donald Trump Jr., wife expecting baby” [People]

Star’s Blogazine Belch

OK, Bonnie Fuller idolaters, you can kindly shut the hell up now. The Hastings resident and supposed genius behind Us’s revival laid a big, fat, rancid egg this week with Star’s first “blogazine” issue. Our fellow celebrity bloggers at Jossip described the saddle-stitched pile of you-know-what this way:

<div>Star staffers have been heard calling it a “nightmare” – but nobody imagined it’d be this bad for AMI’s tabloid. Add that to the utter humiliation it caused Star staffers. We hear senior level editors refused to take part in the gimmick, forcing lower-level minions to sit for the awkwardly posed shots and embarrassing “OMG!!” copy.</div>

To up the awkward quotient, this week’s cover features a photoshopped picture of Angelina and Brad’s baby, Maddux, with eyeballs artificially added. At least Elizbeth Vargas isn’t breastfeeding him.

We’ll bite our tongues now because — well, we’re not the right people to be slinging mud at mags that overuse photoshop, or have staffers sit for awkwardly posed shots and OMG copy. So, uh, we take it all back. Bonnie’s a-ok in our book. Go Fuller, go Fuller, go, go, go Fuller.

Borat make benefit Martha Stewart with doggie style

We’ve been dying to somehow blog about Borat but, alas, we had no Lower Hudson Valley connection to justify the post — until now. The Tonight Show was generous enough to pair the Kazakhstani reporter with Katonah’s Martha Stewart, with her teaching him how to make a bed. In other words, manna from heaven.

We can’t decide which is the best part: Borat asking Jay if he would like to share the woman, Martha nodding approvingly as Borat explains the doggie-style position (with dogs), or watching Borat take off his underpanties and attempt to make sexytime. It’s a good thing. They’re all very good things.

See the YouTube video HERE.

Cancellation Watch: Who’s next? “Six Degrees”? “The Nine”?

Now that “Studio 60” has been given a season-long reprieve, it’s about time we found some other shows to pick on. And while we can’t be as comprehensive as Brilliant But Cancelled’s DeathWatch, we do take sadistic pleasure in bringing you a short list of doomed shows with connections to the LoHud.

Aaron Sorkin’s series may have been saved by his hometown’s upscale, Lexus-driving residents — or as we lovingly refer to them, “our Scarsdale and InTown sugar mamas.” But other shows don’t have such sexy demos. Which do you think will be the first to fall?
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More cancellation gossip, DeathWatch odds, and commentary after the jump.

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Futter-Who? Where’s Angelina?

Angelina Jolie and Dan FuttermanRemember Dan Futterman? After getting nominated for a Best Screenplay Oscar for last year’s “Capote,” you’d think the Larchmont native and his Mamaroneck pal Bennett Miller would have already graduated to Matt-and-Ben status.

Well, the good news is that Futterman, who was stuck playing supporting roles on “Will & Grace” before writing “Capote,” has been getting some primo projects. Chief among them is the role of Daniel Pearl, the Wall Street Journal reporter murdered by terrorists in Pakistan.

Alas, his costar in the film, “A Mighty Heart,” is Sneden’s Landing native Angelina Jolie, cast as Mariane Pearl. Thus, poor Futterman is hardly the main attraction in Mumbai. An AP story reports that Jolie and Futterman were swarmed with fans while filming a scene on a commuter train, and bodyguards “held back young students yelling Jolie’s name.” Somehow, even if she’s sporting brownface and what appears to be a wig from the Lisa Bonet line, Mrs. Pitt is still easier to spot than the “Judging Amy” star.

So, kids, what have we learned today? If you’re going to pen a Oscar-caliber screenplay, remember to actually star in it.

“Angelina Jolie gets on full Mumbai train” [AP]

“Jolie and Pitt, with ‘Heart'” [USA Today]

ABC tells Rosie O. there’s no need to worry: she won’t have to learn to play well with anyone else, anytime soon…

odonnell.jpgSo when is Rosie O’Donnell going to get a new co-host on The View? Apparently, not for awhile. ABC executives tell The Boston Herald that they’re super-pleased with how the show is doing in its current incarnation (with just four co-hosts and the occasional guest-host). The ratings are up 9 percent from last year and the content seems fresher than ever, despite what some people call O’Donnell’s “bullying� of fellow co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck. “We haven’t started looking,� ABC spokesman Karl Nilsson told the paper. “Right now, (they’re) content with the way the show is going.�

But the real question is how’s The Hasselbeck doing? Reports earlier this year were that the youngest host was often reduced to tears around the studio because of O’Donnell. Not true, say network execs.

Nilsson insisted to the paper that the two co-hosts are friends.

“They have play dates with the kids,� he said. “They just did a Race for the Cure together. If they really hated each other, they wouldn’t do that. But, you know, people love it.�

They’re all like one big—unbelievably dysfunctional and over-paid—family.

House + (Grey’s Anatomy – McDreamy) x √ER + McBaldie ≈ 3 Lbs.

Stanley TucciMissed the advance screening of the first episode of “3 Lbs.” at Columbia University Medical Center last night? No worries. Even if you didn’t get to see Stanley Tucci’s new CBS series in Room 401 of the Hammer Health Sciences Center, there’s still time to catch the premiere before it actually premieres at 10 pm tonight. The tiffany network was kind enough to put the episode on their new video website, InnerTube, and we were kind (or masochistic) enough to watch it for you.

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He thought he told you that he won’t stop

tjndc5-5bhx5csd25iwrr0h6jw_layout.jpgDiddy brags in Giant magazine that thanks to Tantric discipline he and his babies’ momma, Kim Porter, have had sexual relations for up to 28 hours, meaning they’ve probably gone through the 452 Kama Sutra positions that guys sells on the corner in Times Square for a $1 at least 10 times.

The Mount Vernon-born mogul also admitted to sleeping with Porter during his love affair with J.Lo. Porter, who’s still regaining the ability to walk, is currently knocked up with Diddy’s twins.

Hate the game, kids. Not he Playa’.