In Celebrities We Thought Were Dead News

Jackie Mason was at the Westchester Performing Arts Center on Sunday in a nearly-sold out show—it’s a big theater Jackie, don’t worry about it.

Was he funny? I couldn’t tell you. I had better things to do on a Sunday afternoon (okay I was staring at the wall in my living room). But if anyone was there, please tell me how he was.

And for the rest of you, here are a few classic Mason lines. Add “ba-dum-bum� drum sounds yourself:

“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.�

“It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like.â€?

“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.�

“Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only thing is, they get it for less.�