We ask, who’s the scariest local celeb?

So who hates Bill O’Reilly more, Bedford’s David Letterman or Nyack’s Rosie O’Donnell? It’s a tough call. Letterman did call O’Reilly a “bonehead” when the Fox News talker appeared on his show Friday, but Rosie looked like she was about to plow right over poor Barbara Walters (who was sitting between the two) to tear his throat apart.

You be the judge.

Bill on Letterman

Bill on The View

Of the course, the prize for biggest dodge of a question goes to Elizabeth Hasselbeck, who, when Rosie asked her, “Would you ever send your child to fight in the war,” responded:

“I could never send my child to the war, because that child would have to be an adult to be in the army.”

Way to go Hasselbeck!

It was only a matter of time before Upper Grandview’s favorite evangelical yahoo ended up on The Daily Show’s “This Week in God” segment. Kudos to Samantha Bee for succinctly summing up Stevie B. in nine brilliant words, calling him “the poor man’s Daniel, and the homeless man’s Alec.”

Enjoy the clip. And remember, afterward there will be a quiz on what exactly a “jesuscidence” is.

If that post title sounds a bit obtuse, let me be blunt: Scarsdale native Aaron Sorkin’s “Studio 60” is all but cancelled. At least, according ot Fox News.

For the record, it should be noted that we don’t normally listen to Fox for anything other than Taylor Hicks haircare secrets. But in this case, there are other reasons to heed the rumor: NBC aired “Friday Night Lights” this week instead of “Studio 60” (right at the start of sweeps, no less!); the ratings show that “60” loses half of the 14.4 million audience of its lead-in show, “Heros”; and, worst of all, Sorkin’s baby gets a miniscule eight percent of the all-important 18-49 demo.

Estimated time of death: two weeks from now. Then get ready for “Deal or No Deal: The College Years.”

”’STUDIO 60’ CANCELLATION IMMINENT [Fox]

On November 14, to be exact. That’s the date that CBS will unveil Katonah native Stanley Tucci’s new medical drama “3 Lbs.” at 10 p.m. Seem kind of early for a mid-season replacement? Well, tough luck for Ray Liotta, whose “Smith” got killed faster than you can say “The Book of Daniel.” Ray, don’t you know that medical dramas are ratings gold?!

On the new show, Tucci (who now lives in North Salem) plays a brilliant but unpredictable brain surgeon opposite rising star Mark Feuerstein. The series title comes from the average weight of a human brain. Judging by the 30-second promo clip of “3 Lbs.” — which was about as interesting as watching the paint on ER dry — the CBS marketing crews’ noggins can’t be much more than 2 Lbs., tops.

No. 1 CBS’ NEW SCHEDULE [USA Today]

“CBS MAY NOT WAIT ON ‘3 LBS’” [Zap2It]

The well-to-do and creatively dressed came out Saturday Night to the 3rd Annual Gala Benefit for Northern Westchester Hospital, with an “Asian chic� dress theme. Martha Stewart, who donated $1 million to the hospital, was wearing a long black coat that reached to her ankles (which to my non-style conscious eye, looked more “Matrix chic� than “Asian�). She spent most of the cocktail hour patiently posing for pictures with guests (including one man, whose camera failed to snap three times). The big news of the night was the announcement that Armonk residents David and Mary Boies had donated $5 million dollars to the hospital (and would have the new emergency room named for them).

David—who represented Al Gore during the 2000 Florida recount debacle and who is one of the classiest men in Northern Westchester—told me he hoped his gift would encourage others in the community to give.

And, finally, only at a benefit for doctors could you overhear the following conversation in the Men’s Room�

Man: Doctor X*, it’s Mike K*, you performed my wife’s surgery last year.
Doctor: Oh yes, how is she doing?
Man: Well we got divorced two months ago, so I don’t really care. Good to see you again.

*no names

Whether it’s Esquire’s six-month slow reveal of the “Sexiest Woman Alive” or the $2 million worldwide “Alchemist Dar” treasure hunt (created by Michael Stadther of Pound Ridge), I’m always a sucker for grand, global, multimedia contests. Which explains why the USA Today/ABC “Seven New Wonders of the World” event captured my imagination — and why I’m so jealous of Kate Snow, the Good Morning America weekend anchor, Rye resident, and only person who actually knows what all of the new Wonders are.

Step aside Matt Lauer, there’s a new NBC hotshot nabbing the Madonna exclusives. Alright, so Meredith Vieira might not have scored the first interview about Mrs. Richie’s quickie, controversial African adoption (that honor went to Oprah, who talked with her via satellite last Wednesday). But the Irvington native now has the first face-to-face sit down with Malawi’s Material Girl. According to the Post, they’re going to tape the interview on Tuesday, and then air it Wednesday, Nov. 3, on the Today show.

“MADGE MEETS REEG, VIEIRA” [Post]

Some other local celeb news you might have missed this week:

> Ralph Lauren and Martha Stewart agreed to open their Katonah properties to the Bedford Lanes Riding Association. So please, local equestrians, no more taping “Buck Me” signs to the back of Ralph and Martha’s horses. [Daily News]

> According to our TJN colleague and E-Team blogger Pete Kramer, Rockland celebs Jonathan Demme, Bill Irwin (aka Mr. Noodle on Sesame Street), Kevin Clash (another Sesame Streeter: the voice of Elmo), Andrea Martin, Paxton Whitehead, David Straitharn, andTyne Daly all spoke at Rockland Country Day School’s annual “Evening of Celebrity Storytelling and Auction III.â€? We only wish we could have been there to hear Elmo shout “Show me the money” at auction bidders. [E-Team]

> “The Hoax,” a collaboration of Bedford best buds Richard Gere and Lasse Hallstrom, is getting great early buzz at RomaCinemaFest. Yet according to www.imdb.com, the film, about a bogus Howard Hughes biographer, has had its release date pushed off until April 2007. Hmm, April 1, perhaps? We’re catching on to your marketing trickery, Miramax. [Reuters]

In our regular reading of Auto Spectator, we happened upon a fascinating AS article about our favorite Hot97 DJ, Westchester’s own FunkMaster Flex. (Please, spare us the obvious, “What the heck are you reading that for?!” questions)

The story is about how Flex (aka Aston Taylor), whose office is in Dobbs Ferry, worked with Ford Motor Corporation to design an all new, customized tricked-out 2007 version of the Expedition. “The 2007 Ford Expedition Funkmaster Flex Concept features a complete Street Scene® Body Kit, 24-inch wheels, two-tone black and redfire paint and a complete custom interior with DVD screens and performance audio system.”

Flex has also been busy leading Team Baurtwell (his custom car club), organizing the Funkmaster Flex Celebrity Car Show Tour (which includes the cars of stars such as Wyclef Jean), and producing the FMF-1 Funkmaster Flex driving shoe with the LUGZ shoe company. Clearly, if anyone can put Ford back in the black, it’s this man.

“FUNKMASTER FLEX’S TRICKED OUT 2007 FORD EXPEDITION CONCEPT” [Auto Spectator]

According to The Post’s Page Six, Bill O’Reilly’s appearance on the Bedford funnyman’s late show tonight apparently doesn’t go so well. Letterman calls the Fox News talker a “boneheadâ€? and accuses him of “putting words in my mouth, just the way you put artificial facts in your head.â€? Ouch! The subject that ignites his ire is the war in Iraq. O’Reilly, apparently looks at his watch at one point and Letterman tells him “Oh gosh, where has the time gone?…I have no idea what I’m talking about but I don’t think you do, either.â€?

Check out the mega-star cringe-fest in all it’s awkward splendor tonight on CBS.

The junior Senator from New York turned 59 yesterday. We were going to get her a gift certificate to Elizabeth Arden, but it probably would have gotten lost in the mix after her birthday-fundraiser bash at Tavern on the Green, which raised over $1 million, according to The Post. Anybody know what kind of cake they had?